


Trust

by JayceCarter



Series: Nora and Colter [2]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: F/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 20:59:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 32,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12490708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayceCarter/pseuds/JayceCarter
Summary: Nora and Colter survived Nuka World, and each other, but when they head to the Commonwealth to find Nora's son, they realize Nuka World was nothing. They'll have to learn to trust each other because the Commonwealth is full of enemies for them both.**This is part 2 of Power and picks up where that story ends**





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, not such a long break before part 2, lol. Kinktober will be posted in the morning because. . . . I'm a terrible person and Kinktober is killing me. haha.

Something had changed. Was it that they weren’t even pretending to be slave/master anymore? Or maybe it was that for the first time ever, they were truly alone. Or maybe it was just the uncertainty of being out of Nuka World.

 

Whatever it was had kept Nora silent on the train ride, still covered in blood and marks from her trip through the gauntlet, from her fight with Gage.

 

True to his word, Mason had already moved Gage’s body before they had gotten back to the train, a mercy, really. Nora hadn’t killed anyone before, not like that. She didn’t need a reminder.

 

Hell, she hadn’t said much, either. Just told him when he stimpacked her that Gage had wanted to get Colter out of the way. That he’d ambushed Nora because he blamed her for Gage’s control on Colter slipping.

 

Asshole. He wanted to kill the cocksucker himself, both for having attacked Nora and for trying to kill him. Hell, he’d have succeeded if Nora hadn’t braved the gauntlet and saved him.

 

That first day, when he’d claimed her, he’d have laughed in anyone’s face who claimed that little slip of a slave would save him.

 

That he’d love her.

 

But fuck it all, because he did. There was no reason to fight it, to pretend it wasn’t true. Colter fucking loved her and he was just fine with that.

 

And now he was headed into the Commonwealth with her to help her. He’d follow her anywhere, do anything to get her back what she’d lost. He’d promised her that, and he’d do it, too. He’d give her anything. The asshole who’d stolen her kid better be ready.

 

“This’ll work for the night.” Colter pointed at a small set of buildings just off the road. Quiet, on a hill, close enough to a road to be kept clear of ferals.

 

“I don’t want to stop. Let’s keep pushing, see if we can’t make it in one go.” 

 

Colter grasped Nora’s arm. “Why the rush, Dove?”

 

She yanked away, the action so fast it had to be instinct, her eyes wide.

 

What the fuck? He lifted his hands, palms out, and took a step back to give her space. “In case you’ve forgotten, we both had a rough day. Both got injured and could use a good night’s sleep. Push yourself too hard out here and you’ll end up in over your head, and too worn out to get out of it.”

 

She licked her lips, tension and fear skirting across her face. “Right. Yeah. You’re right. Sorry.”

 

He wanted to ask her what was wrong, but the look on her face said she wouldn’t answer. “No problem,” he said instead. “Let’s get the place set up for the night. Should make it to Sanctuary by tomorrow night.”

 

She nodded, turning toward the house he’d pointed out. Her boots kicked up dirt as she walked like she was too damned tired to even lift her feet up.

 

“Get the beds set up, dove. I’ll take care of defenses.”

 

There went that tension again; her shoulders tightened, though her face didn’t shift. She only nodded and entered the house, leaving Colter outside, alone.

 

She must be afraid of him, now. Maybe it was easy to play house when she didn’t have a choice, but out here? Out here things were real. Maybe she’d realized she was shacking up with a raider and it wasn’t the life she wanted, wasn't who she wanted.

 

Maybe she only wanted him because she needed him, because he could help her. Maybe she realized she didn’t want anything to do with him.

 

That was a fucking lot of maybes.

 

He scrubbed his hand over his head before he went about securing the area.

 

At least that he could do right.

 

#

 

Nora twisted the stick she’d put the radroach on as it cooked over the fire she’d started. As much as she’d hated being a slave, hated being reduced to domestic chores, she did find a sense of peace in them.

 

When she worked, cleaning the main room, clearing debris and trash, securing windows, hanging a tarp she found to keep rain out, should it rain, she didn’t think. When she spread out their sleeping bags on the large bed she’d drug in, she only saw the task before her.

 

It helped when she did that, to not think about the bed. Colter wouldn’t force her, she knew it, but everything was still too damned close. Gage’s hands, his damned breath, it was all just outside her line of sight, like the monster lurking in her peripheral vision. If she twisted fast enough, she could catch it.

 

She hadn’t even been able to wash after Gage. No time, especially with Colter hanging over her, worried about her. Her stomach lurched at that, at the way her underwear fit, dried and uncomfortable.

 

_Don’t give into it. Push it down._

 

She released a shuddering breath as she twisted the food again. Almost done.

 

The door opened, then closed again without Nora turning. She knew it was Colter.

 

Just having him in the house helped her relax, and wasn’t the fucked up? Him being anywhere near her sent her anxiety soaring, yet having him in the same building allowed her to let her guard down.

 

“Dinner smells good.”

 

“Funny how we fall back into a routine, isn’t it?”

 

A heavy sigh, then the clatter of his gear on the floor. “Is that what has you wrapped up in knots? Been strung tight since we left Nuka World. You aren’t a slave, Nora. If I treat you like one, you just have to tell me.”

 

She removed the food from the fire and handed it to Colter.

 

“What about you?”

 

“I’m not hungry.”

 

He shook his head. “Got some tatos, some melons, too. They were growing behind the house. Eat something, Nora.”

 

Even the idea of food had her stomach cramping. No, she needed to wash. That’s what she needed. “I have to go to the bathroom,” she lied.

 

Colter’s gaze followed her, calling her a liar without words. “Stay close to the house, please.”

 

Nora slid from the house and headed down the small decline to a pool of water she’d seen earlier. It was hardly more than a puddle, and would likely end with her filthier than before, but she didn’t care.

 

All she knew was that she needed to wash. If she’d taken water from the house, Colter would have asked why.

 

She couldn’t answer it, couldn’t say it out loud, couldn’t handle him looking at her if he knew.

 

She stripped out of her pants and underwear, pulling them over her boots. Who knew what was living in that water, and she didn’t need to lose any toes.

 

The water burned when she moved into it as it sloshed around her knees. Her pipboy clicked on her wrist, a reminder of the rads she was taking.

 

Worth it.

 

She cupped her hand into the water to gather some before using it to clean herself. She cleaned her thighs, fingers scrubbing against her skin. The water stung as she cleaned between her legs, trying to let her mind blank, to not focus on it. She didn’t hurt, the stimpack having taken care of the injuries so only the wounds in her head remained. The wounds and the mess.

 

She wanted to clean inside, but the moment she went to slide one finger inside her, she began to shake.

 

Fuck that.

 

Nora left the water and picked up her clothing. She threw the underwear, stiff from Gage’s dried come, into the water. Instead, she pulled her pants back on, ignoring the way they stuck to her skin from the water. It wasn’t until then she noticed she’d drenched her shirt, too.

 

So much for being sneaky. There we no way he’d not notice she’d returned drenched.

 

She couldn’t do a damned thing right, could she?

 

Nora wanted to lie down. She wanted to curl in on herself in the mud and let the radiation soak into her until nothing was left. Until the whole world melted around her.

 

But she couldn’t. She needed to find Shaun. She couldn’t lie down and die, not yet.

 

Her boots sunk into the ground as she walked back to the house. Colter hadn’t moved, though his gaze found her the moment she entered. “The water wasn’t close to the house.”

 

“Sorry.” She wasn’t.

 

He tossed the stick into the fire, having already eaten all the radroach from it. “Next time you need to bathe, we’ll have you use canned water. You took too many rads out there. Breathing is fast, cheeks flushed, and not in a good way.”

 

She tore her gaze away at that.

 

“It’s okay. I get it. You needed to get Gage’s blood off you. I should have thought about that sooner, really. Should have cleaned you off before we left. You’ve never killed anyone before, and I should have realized you’d want to wash that shit off you.”

 

Blood? She looked down to spot the blood still on her.

 

Fuck the blood. She didn’t care about the blood.

 

But it was a safer guess, so she lied. “Yeah. I’m. . .” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I know I’m acting strange.”

 

He stood, and she was reminded just how large he was. “It’s okay. Not mad, not at all. This all, this is a big change. I know it. Don’t want to push you or pressure you or anything.”

 

She took a deep breath when he turned his back to rummage through his things. Having his eyes not on her helped.

 

He turned around, holding out one of his shirts. “You’re gonna freeze if you stay in those things, and the radiation’ll just keep going up. Here.”

 

Nora took the shirt, their fingers skimming before she pulled back.

 

Colter turned again, giving her his back, giving her privacy. “I didn’t get the chance to really thank you. You saved me, saved yourself. I kept saying you couldn’t survive out here, that you needed me, but you sure fucking proved me wrong. Hell, I thought Mason was gonna lick your face like a proud parent when you showed up covering in blood.”

 

Nora stripped the clothing off, using the dry area of her shirt to catch some of the water on her skin before pulling Colter’s shirt on. It wasn’t a button up, and she was glad. Those felt intimate, like a flick of his fingers and she could be naked.

 

This was just a t-shirt, but given his size, it still bagged on her, dropping well below her ass, covering her.

 

“I’m good,” she said.

 

Colter turned, gaze tracing her, heating when he stopped on her bare legs. He went up her body until he caught whatever was on her face.

 

He gave her a smile, tight and unhappy like he knew something was broken but didn’t know what or how to fix it. “Better get some sleep.”

 

“What about you?”

 

“I’m not ready to turn in just yet. Think I’ll sit by the fire a while longer.”

 

Nora didn’t argue. Hell, she didn’t want to. How would she react to Colter crawling into the bed? To his arm wrapping around her like they always did, to his body behind hers, against hers?

 

No. This was best. Maybe she could fall asleep fast and she wouldn’t even notice when he got into the bed.

 

Nora did fall asleep fast. She gave herself over to a deep sleep, one without dreams, without anything. Just empty darkness that both soothed and frightened her.

 

The next morning, she woke still alone in the bed. Across the way, Colter sat on the ground, his back against the door of the house, eyes closed. His head hung at a strange angle, like it had dropped when he’d fallen asleep. It couldn’t be comfortable.

 

She sat for a moment, watching him, again confused by his actions. He’d slept on the ground to give her space.

 

What was she supposed to think about that?

 


	2. Chapter 2

Colter groaned as he stretched his back. Sleeping on the fucking floor was for kids.

 

But, that look that had crossed Nora’s face? Yeah, he sure as fuck wasn’t crawling into the bed with her. Maybe everything with Gage had brought up shit for her, shit with her attack?

 

Hell, he didn’t know. She wouldn’t talk to him and he’d taken so damned much that forcing her to seemed wrong.

 

At least she seemed a bit better that day. She moved better, her color brightening. She’d eaten breakfast, though it hadn’t been much.

 

They avoided the cities as they went, and Nora would chime in with facts she’d learned from William. The raider had taught her a great deal, far more details than he knew.

 

He’d been through the Commonwealth enough, but he’d never cared to involve himself in politics. He knew what he needed to know, like which cities were safest to lay low in, who to bribe, who to threaten. Mostly, he’d avoided the cities, though. Everything except Bunker Hill, of course.

 

They’d need to go to the cities later, but first? First Nora wanted to check in on the people she’d tried to save, the whole reason she’d ended up in Nuka World in the first place.

 

Colter wanted to shoot every fucking one of ‘em. They’d put her in danger, risked her life, and for what? For nothing.

 

But, he wanted to prove that he could listen, that he could follow, so they’d go.

 

He hadn’t said that they’d likely just find bodies, knew that would hurt her when she had to face her own failure, but he knew. The wasteland was a vicious place and happy endings just weren’t in the cards for people.

 

They neared the place she’d mentioned, Sanctuary Hills. People moved through the area, too far away to identify, but clearly people who made the place their home.

 

He’d shove them all out if that’s what Nora wanted.

 

A flash of fur darted at them, and Colter shoved Nora behind him, pulling his gun.

 

“Wait!” She shoved his back. “Don’t shoot him!”

 

“Him?”

 

The dog stopped in front of them, lips peeled back to snarl at Colter. It wasn’t some wasteland dog; this one had a good-looking coat and all his teeth. Someone took care of it.

 

“It’s snarling.”

 

“Because you’re yanking me around. Damn it, Colter, stop it.”

 

He released her but kept the pistol aimed at the mutt. “If it so much as moves, I’m going to kill it.”

 

Nora pushed past Colter and dropped to her knees. All it would take was one lunge and the dog could rip out her throat.

 

It did lunge, but lucky for everyone, it didn’t bite. The dog took Nora to the ground, licking her face, tail wagging.

 

And the laugh that left her made everything better. Fuck, when was the last time he’d heard that laugh? A real one, the sort that left her gasping.

 

After a moment, she shoved the dog. “Get off me, dogmeat.”

 

Colter reached over to haul the dog off, but it moved off her, then went back to snarling.

 

At him. Well, at least he couldn’t understand that. Was it any different than what Colter did when others looked at Nora. “Settle down, mutt.”

 

Nora got to her feet, then dusted off her pants, still smiling. “He was with me in Concord. I thought the raiders might have killed him.”

 

“Well, looks like he missed you, too.”

 

“Miss Nora!” A Mr. Handy came from the settlement, eye stalks swirling. “Oh, Miss Nora! I feared the worse when I heard what happened in Concord. And then you were gone for so very long.”

 

Nora smiled and leaned in, pressing a kiss to the Mr. Handy’s body as if it were an old friend. “Hey, Codsworth. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

 

“I heard the most terrible stories. Sir Garvey came from Concord and he told me you had been taken away.”

 

“Garvey? The people stuck in Concord? They made it?”

 

“Codsworth?” A man walked from the settlement, a large rifle in his hands. “Is that Nora?”

 

Nora frowned at the man. “You were on the balcony?”

 

“Yeah. Never thought we’d see you again. When the raiders were distracted by you, we led a charge, managed to break through them. I tried, Nora, I did. The group had already hauled you too far away.”

 

She smiled, but went no closer, kept the Mr. Handy between them. “I know. It’s okay, really. It all worked out.”

 

Garvey turned his gaze to Colter, then, and Colter had to fight the urge to growl. The man was tougher than he let on, more than his simple attitude would show. “My name is Preston Garvey, with the Minutemen. We’ve been turning this place into a proper settlement. I know Nora, but you are?”

 

“Colter.” He said nothing else, offered nothing else. Fuck this man if he thought Colter owed him shit.

 

Leave it to Nora to smooth ruffled feathers, though. “Colter is my friend. He helped me escape those raiders.”

 

Preston frowned but didn’t argue. “Right. Well, Nora, Codsworth here refused to let anyone touch your old place, so it’s been waiting for you. Least we could do after you tried to save us, and you did by being a distraction at least.”

 

“I straightened it, Miss Nora, and cleaned it. Once Sir Garvey was here with new materials, I was able to fix many things. I have been trying to get it just right in expectation of your return.”

 

Nora nodded, but the lines that appeared on her face, beside her lips, said the news was not all happy.  Her ‘old place’ was something complicated and unsure.

 

Colter reached out and took her hand in his, glad they were close enough it wasn’t obvious.

 

Codsworth noticed, evident by his eye stalk moving toward their hands, and if a robot could narrow their eyes, he did.

 

Nora squeezed the hand like it was a lifeline. “Thanks, Codsworth. I’ll head over.”

 

She didn’t release his hand when she started to walk, either, and Colter hadn’t ever felt a fucking thing better.

 

 

#

 

Nora took a deep breath as she shut the door to the house.

 

To her house, the house she’d shared with Nate, with Shaun. Codsworth had done well cleaning it. He’d fixed most of the walls, repaired or replaced furniture. The fridge was gone, the broken appliances removed.

 

The door to Shaun’s room was closed, thank goodness. Nora wasn’t sure she could stomach seeing what Codsworth had done there. Had he found a new crib? Fixed it up and set up bedding? Everything for the child she didn’t know if she’d ever find?

 

“Take a breath.”

 

Nora jumped at Colter’s voice, having almost forgotten him. She rubbed her hands over her face before offering him a smile. “Sorry. Um, well, welcome? This is my place, it seems.”

 

Colter nodded, walking around the living room, the kitchen space.

 

It reminded her of Nate. Of how he’d fill the space of the house.

 

Though, it had been different. Nate had been there, but she’d never felt more alone. They had co-existed more than anything else.

 

Colter was there, but he was with her. She’d never felt less lonely than with him there.

 

“It’s nice, dove. Course, this place hasn’t been occupied in a really fucking long time. You ready to explain to me why that is? Because this isn’t a few months of disuse.”

 

Right. That. “Yeah, I guess you should know.”

 

Colter pulled his jacket off and hung it on the coat rack, exactly like Nate used to, before sitting on the couch and patting the spot beside him.

 

Nora sat in the chair, instead, ignoring the flash of hurt on his face. Instead, she offered him the whole story, about the bombs, about Vault-Tec, about it all. She told him about the man who shot Nate, the one who took Shaun. She purged the story, spitting it out into the house.

 

Colter said nothing while she got through it. He sat there, silent, a point of strength she wanted to cling to even if she couldn’t bring herself to sit beside him.

 

At the end, she pulled in a deep breath when she realized she hadn’t been breathing enough during. “So, that’s it. That’s where I’m from.”

 

He chuckled a warm sound that helped chase the ghosts from the house. “So, you weren’t kidding about the long ways away. Or the 220 years old thing. Guess it explains why you’re a damn good doctor, and why you were shit with self-defense. Not exactly skills they needed back then, huh?”

 

“No, not really. The scariest thing I dealt with day to day was the mean barista who always put too much cream in my coffee.”

 

The conversation drifted off for a minute, the sun dropping behind the mountains until only the glow of Nora’s pipboy let her see Colter.

 

“So, you going to tell me what else is wrong?”

 

“Why do you think anything is wrong?”

 

A sigh. “Because I’ve gotten to know you pretty damned well. When you’re pissed, I know it. When you’re happy, I know it. And don’t think I can’t tell when something is fucking wrong. Are you rethinking this? I mean, you lied to Preston out there about who I am, so maybe you’re thinking having a raider around isn’t such a great idea?”

 

Of course, he’d think it was him. “I didn’t lie. You weren’t the raider who put a collar on me, but you were the one who took it off. You did save me.”

 

“Right.” That right sounded a lot more like a ‘bullshit.’ “So, what is it? You should know I’m not expecting a thing from you. Just because we were fucking before doesn't mean we have to be, and especially not yet. We’ll figure out whatever this is between us again. Not being in Nuka World, it’ll change things. We’ll adjust.”

 

“We will?” Right then she couldn’t imagine it. How could they ever get even back to where they’d been, let alone further. She couldn’t imagine kissing as she had before, running her hands over his body, letting him reach between her-

 

She gagged once, shaking her head before standing. “I need some air.”

 

She stumbled outside, into the air, the chill and breeze, and openness.

 

Fuck, she missed Nuka World. The dust, the shouting, the cursing. This place was quiet, calm. What the hell had happened to her that calm and quiet unnerved her?

 

She missed Mason, and William, and hell she even missed that crazy bitch Nisha.

 

A few people looked at her, but none approached her as she made her way up the back hill, toward the vault. She needed to see Nate.

 

#

 

Colter followed her. He shoved aside the guilt, telling himself he was just worried. She could go anywhere she wanted, he wouldn’t stop her, but she wasn’t thinking straight.

 

Hell, she’d left without even taking a weapon, skin pale, eyes haunted.

 

What a fucking mess her story had been. Couldn’t really blame her for being on edge, not after all she’d been through. Filled in a lot of blanks for him, though. Made a lot of sense, too. Suddenly all the weird shit she did fit.

 

She didn’t fit in because she wasn’t from there, not by a long shot.

 

Nora went up the hill, arms wrapped around herself. At the top, she stood on a large metal circle and pressed a button. The platform started to lower.

 

Fuck that.

 

Colter took off and jumped onto the platform beside her before it had gone far.

 

She jumped, and he grasped her arm to keep her upright like he’d had to do on the lift back in Nuka World.

 

“Didn’t mean to startle you, but the fuck are you doing? I don’t mind hanging back, keeping an eye from a distance, but when you start going underground, you gotta keep the guard dog a little closer.”

 

She pulled her arm away, a subtle shift like she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “This is the vault,” she explained.

 

“This where you were frozen?”

 

She nodded and stuck her hands in her pockets as the platform came to a stop at the bottom. “Yeah. I needed to see it, I guess. Needed to remind myself it was real, that this is where I came from.”

 

“I’m not gonna stop you, Nora. I can tell you don’t want me with you, and that’s fine, I just want to make sure you’re safe. Here.” He handed her his spare pistol. “I’ll stay here while you do whatever you need to.”

 

She took the gun, then took two steps ahead before she froze. She said nothing for a minute, didn’t move, just stared further into the vault.

 

Nora turned to him, voice quiet. “Please, Colter. I need you. I know things are weird right now, that I’m fucking it all up, and maybe you don’t want to-“

 

He walked up and slid his hands into her hair, brushing a kiss over her lips, the words fucking perfect, exactly what he’d needed to hear from her, just some sense that he was still wanted. “Sure, dove.”

 

“You’ll come with me?”

 

“Anywhere.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These first few chapters are sort of slow here, and I"m sorry for that. It's just that there is a bit of slowness and 'easing in' as they adjust to the Commonwealth and deal with the immediate aftermath of Nuka World. I promise, we'll get more action soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Nora didn’t touch Colter as they walked, each turn and hallway the same yet so different. The frantic fear from waking up had left her, replaced by. . . what?

 

She didn’t know. Didn’t know if there was anything left at all.

 

Colter didn’t talk, just walked beside her, keeping pace with her, close enough she could reach out and grab his hand.

 

And damn her, she wanted to. Colter was a lot of things, and many of them were bad, but he was strong. Strong enough she could lean on him and he’d make sure she didn’t collapse, even when she wanted to, even when she didn’t think she could move forward anymore.

 

He’d taken her story so easily, those eyebrows pulling in as he considered each part. None of it changed what he saw, though.

 

Would Gage change it?

 

Would he see her differently if he knew?

 

“Fucking place to spend 200 hundred years.” He frowned as he took in the skeletons, the roaches.

 

“I guess. It’s not like I remember much of it.”

 

The last door opened, the one that lead them into the room she’d been kept in, the one Nate had been shot in. She stopped at the door, hesitating, like something from her past would reach out and grab her.

 

And she might have wanted that before. Might have begged something from her past to pull her back, but now?

 

Her gaze darted to the side, to Colter.

 

Now, she didn’t want to go back.

 

The open cryotube sat like a trap, so Nora stayed away. “This one was mine.”

 

Colter leaned in, studying it. “Cozy.” He turned, lips pressed together. “I’m gonna guess that’s Nate?”

 

Nora didn’t turn to look, didn’t need to see her husband’s dead body again. It haunted her enough already. “Yeah. I should have buried him, but I just couldn’t. I mean, everything happened so fast, but even if it hadn’t. The thought of moving his body?” She sighed, rubbing her sweaty palms on the front of her jeans. “I don’t think I could lift him anyway, so I just left him here.”

 

“I’ll help you bury him if that’s what you want, dove.”

 

“I can’t think about it, honestly.” She took one more deep breath before she turned. The pain she expected didn’t lance through her. Maybe because she’d suffered so much already? Maybe because she’d seen enough of this world that she realized how merciful a death like Nate’s could be?

 

“He was handsome.”

 

Nora laughed, fingers brushing the glass. “Yeah, he was that. It’s what got me that first night, I guess. Never expected a handsome guy like that would ever be interested in a girl like me. Don’t get me wrong, he was a good husband. A stupid one, but I think that’s sort of standard with men. Still, he tried. He hadn’t been ready to settle down any more than I was, but we were young and stupid and didn’t think I’d get pregnant because we just didn’t have time for that.”

 

“Seen that happen enough times. Course, women have so much trouble getting pregnant out here, it’s usually happy even if it isn’t planned.”

 

“Yeah, well, in my time it meant you had to get married. So, we did what we were expected to do. We got married, and we had Shaun, and we tried, but it was never love the way it was supposed to be. It was just us trying to be what we were supposed to be.” She took a step backward, shaking her head. “Of course, I didn’t know anything about love, either, so I thoughts that’s just how it happened. Figured that’s how it always was, that quiet coldness. We didn’t fight, didn’t yell, but we didn’t talk, either.”

 

“Yeah, that’s not how it should be.”

 

Nora risked a smile in his direction. “I’ve figured that out, now.”

 

“You trying to say you love me? Come on, I bet you could get the words out if you tried.”

 

Colter’s gentle teasing had her able to relax. Funny he could be large, and vicious, and able to kill her so easily if he wanted to, yet she’d never felt safer with anyone.

 

“Keep that up and I won’t even like you.”

 

“I think you like me, even when you try not to.”

 

“Maybe.” Nora took one more look at Nate before turning toward Colter. She’d wanted to see the vault and feel something. Something profound, something powerful, something changing.

 

Instead, all she saw was a dead body and graveyard. This was just old things, relics of a world long gone, of a life gone.

 

“Do you miss him?”

 

Nora shook her head. “Not really. I’m sad he’s gone, that he won’t be able to see Shaun grow up, but I don’t miss him as my husband.” She turned away from Nate, from the cryotubes. “Let’s go home.”

 

#  


 

Colter pulled his shirt off, glad to get the dirty fabric off his skin. Nora had worked on dinner when they’d gotten back, and he’d given her space.

 

She had a lot of shit to work out in that head of hers, and some time on her own would be good.

 

So, Colter helped out around the settlement. He checked turrets, fencing, traps. Not a bad set up, but clearly one done by a minuteman. It would have taken Colter half an hour, maybe, to break through them if he had a handful of raiders with him.

 

 By the time he’d finished, including educated Preston on a few ideas for the future, he was ready to be done.

 

The smell of food had him smiling when he entered, and the soft humming of Nora made it better.

 

Maybe she was finally feeling better.

 

“Hey,” she said, a smile on her lips as she set the table.

 

“Missed you.” He stopped as he passed her, pulling her into a kiss.

 

She responded, leaning into him, returning the kiss along with a soft, surprised moan.

 

His hand went to the back of her neck, pulling her closer, wanting to feel her. He hadn’t been able to touch her, not since Nuka World, and while he’d wait as long as he needed to, he fucking missed it.

 

He missed the way her breathing sped up when he stroked her, the way she melted against him, the way she clung to him. She needed touch, but fuck, he needed it, too.

 

Her nails dug into his shoulder, gripping him like she’d drown if she let go.

 

He broke the kiss. “We can eat, Nora.”

 

She shook her head, hands pulling him back to her. “No. Now, please?”

 

The desperation in her voice set up red flags in his head, but when she pulled her shirt over her head, and all that bare skin was revealed to him, he forgot anything else.

 

Nora grasped his wrist and guided him back to her room, to the large bed set up there. She pulled him down onto the bed with her.

 

He moved over her, but she pushed hard on his shoulder, face blank.

 

He rolled to his back, and she followed him, moving over him. So she didn’t want him on top of her?

 

That question left him when her teeth scraped over his throat and her hands fumbled at his pants. Damn, he’d missed her hands, her lips, all of her. “You’re needy, aren’t you?”

 

He expected some joke back, a small barb, a denial. He got nothing from her.

 

Something was wrong. He could feel it in her hands, in the tension of her body.

 

He forced himself to think with something other than his cock, to fucking pay some attention.

 

Her hands trembled. Probably the reason she still hadn’t worked the button free.

 

He grasped them and held them still. “What’s wrong?”

 

“Nothing.” She yanked, but he wouldn’t relent.

 

“Something is wrong. Talk to me.”

 

“Just take your pants off already. I didn’t think it would be so hard to get you to fuck me.”

 

“When you’re acting like yourself, sure. When you’re being like this? No. Not until I understand, until I know you really want this.”

 

She pulled her hands away from him and went to get off, but fuck it, Colter was tired of this bullshit.

 

He loved her, he wanted to help her, and how could he help her if he had no damned idea what was wrong with her?

 

He caught her arm and rolled them, pinning her beneath him, hands catching her cheeks to make her look up at him. “Just talk to me, Nora, please. Let me fucking help you. I’ll do anything for you but I need you to tell me what is going on in that head of yours.”

 

She struggled, shoving at him, but her fight was nothing against his size and strength. No more hiding. No more bullshit.

 

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, to her cheeks. “I just want to take care of you, and I can’t do it if you keep things from me. Is it Nate? Is it coming back here? Is it your son? Talk to me and let me help you.”

 

Her breathing sped, but it wasn’t anger. It was panic; full-blown panic that had her nails scratching his chest to get free and tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

Well fuck.

 

He moved off her, scrubbing his hands over his face before lifting them up. Didn’t want to scare her, never that. “Easy, dove, easy,” he coaxed.

 

She rolled off the bed, knees hitting the floor before scooting backward. “Gage,” she whimpered.

 

Gage? “You killed him, Nora. He’s gone.”

 

She shook her head, fingers wrapping in her head, and he got the sense she didn’t hear him. “He was on top of me. Oh, fuck, he was inside of me.”

 

The words had Colter freezing, had the world shorting out around him for a moment.

 

Gage had raped her.

 

Why hadn’t he put it together before? Why the fuck had it taken him so long? Gage had been the one to attack her that night, and he’d done it again at the train. The way she’d pulled away from Colter, the bath, the flinching, it all made sense.

 

He stood and left the room. He should tell her something, anything. Tell her he wasn’t angry, that it wasn’t her fault, that he’d be there for her. Tell her it didn’t make her dirty, that she was still her, that he still loved her, but his throat was closed tight. Nothing to say right then.

 

He passed Codsworth outside.

 

“Where is Miss Nora?”

 

He pointed into the house. “She’s not doing well. You keep an eye on her, get her anything she needs. Anything happens to her and I’ll personally rip each of your eyes out and roast them with your thrusters. Understood?” He didn’t wait for a response before he left Sanctuary.

 

He couldn’t kill Gage, but he needed something to kill, something to tear apart. He hefted a supersledge he’d grabbed from the settlement over his shoulder.

 

He should have stayed there, should have done something, talked to her, held her, but he couldn't. That temper he'd spoken of, the one he'd failed to ever really control, it wasn't prowling anymore. It was breaking down the fucking walls and he needed to be out of the settlement before he lost it completely. 

 

He was never going to be fucking good enough for her, was he? 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Nora did not see Colter for two days. She dropped her things in the room she’d rented at the Dugout Inn, Codsworth still out in the bar.

 

She hadn’t planned to bring him with her, but she also hadn’t had much of a choice. He’d said Colter had threatened to dewire him and burn his eyes if anything happened to her.

 

The threat made her smile when she thought about how Colter would have growled it out.

 

Where was he?

 

Did he decide this was all too much? That he wanted his life back in Nuka World? Could she even blame him if that was true?

 

He had power back in Nuka World, a place, a life. Plenty of women who were interested in him, who didn’t have the baggage she had. Someone who didn’t have a missing kid he needed to help find, someone who didn’t cringe when he tried to touch her.

 

Worse? The trip to Diamond City seemed useless. She’d gone into the Detective’s office, the one William had told her about, only to be told off by the secretary. He’d gone missing, and Nora had no idea how to find him.

 

So she’d rented a room at the Dugout Inn to hide and regroup, to try and find a better plan.

 

And to sulk about Colter, because she fucking missed him.

 

Two days without him, without his stupid laugh and the look on his face when he wanted to do something right for her but had no damned idea what to do. Just his company, the way he filled space, the way he made her always feel like she had a base. How many damned times had she reached for him over the last two days? She'd wake up gasping and reach for him, try to wrap an arm around him, only to remember he was gone.

 

Codsworth did none of those things for her.

 

Tomorrow, they’d go looking for the detective, because no matter what happened with Colter, she couldn’t stop. She had something to do, and the first step was getting Nick Valentines help.

 

The silence of the room got to her, but she still stretched out beneath the covers, pistol beneath her pillow. Codsworth worked with Vadim, the barkeep. The Mr. Handy would just have been bored, and now their food and room would be free. Saving caps sounded great to Nora, and Codsworth had only been too happy to work rather than sit in a room bored while she slept.

 

Sleep did not come easily to her. It hadn’t since Gage, and without Colter at least around? It had only grown worse. When she did manage it, nightmares came. They’d happened before, but something about waking up and knowing Colter was near had helped. It had allowed her to relax, to push it away.

 

Without him?

 

Nothing helped.

 

So when she woke mid-gasp, the memory of Gage too real, when she clutched at her clothing to remind herself she wasn’t there, fingers digging into the skin at her throat for the collar Gage had threatened her with, only darkness met her.

 

At least until the deep voice she knew broke the silence. “Nightmares, dove?”

 

Nora lifted her gaze to find Colter in the corner of the room, seated in a chair, a pack by his feet and a sledge by leaning against the wall. “Where were you?”

 

“I needed a little space. Told you before, my temper gets me into trouble.”

 

Nora moved off the bed, dressed in her shirt and underwear, and went to the chair. She shoved his shoulders hard. “I needed you, damn it!”

 

Colter pulled his gaze from hers. “I know you did. I’m sorry.”

 

“You’re not sorry. I admitted what happened and you ran away. All that bullshit about helping me, all that telling me to trust you, and you just ran away.”

 

He nodded. “I know I did. I knew I shouldn’t have, that I should have stayed, I just couldn’t think straight. Kept thinking about that fucker being so close, about how I should have done something, how I should have seen it. Kept telling myself I kept you in Nuka World to keep you safe, because you couldn’t protect yourself, but because of me, you ended up on Gage’s radar. Fuck, I should have seen it, but I was too busy thinking about myself. And I did it again when I left you. Won’t sugar coat that shit, won’t try to make it up into something pretty. Isn’t pretty, it’s just me fucking shit up.”

 

Nora pulled back. He wasn’t fighting with her, wasn’t giving her anything to rage against. She wrapped her arms around herself. “Where were you?”

 

“Nowhere important. You should get some sleep. We have work to do tomorrow.”

 

“You don’t have to help me. It’s pretty clear you don’t want to.”

 

He tilted his head, finally lifting his gaze to her. “Course I want to help you. Took a couple days to get my head on straight, but I’m here.”

 

Nora moved back into the bed, her back to him. “I thought maybe after Gage you didn’t-“

 

“-wasn’t like that. Fuck, dove, you gotta know that wouldn’t change how I feel about you. If anyone gets that shit, I do. This doesn’t change shit about me wanting you. Soon as you’re ready for anything from me, I’m here.”

 

She said nothing, arms wrapping around the pillow, unable to believe it.

 

“You want me to go? I can sleep somewhere else.”

 

“Don’t go. Come here, Colter. I can't sleep without you."

 

He didn’t argue, getting into the bed, but kept space between them. “I’m serious. Nothing different. Still love you, still want you. I’ll show you, prove it to you.”

 

She said nothing, but throughout the night, she scooted closer to him without meaning to. By morning, she was pressed against him, tucked beneath his chin, arm clutched around him.

 

Even when asleep, it seemed she knew exactly where she wanted to be.

 

#

 

Colter kept his hands in his pockets as he walked with Nora, the same distance between them he’d kept since waking up. He’d moved slowly, watching her carefully, like he expected her to lose it at any time.

 

“I told you he isn’t there. I checked with his secretary yesterday. He’s missing.”

 

“Trust me, dove.” He held the door for her.

 

Nora sighed and walked into the office, only to find a synth in a hat and trench coat seated at the desk.

 

“Hello again,” the synth said, standing and sticking a hand out toward Colter.

 

Colter shook the hand presented, then pressed a hand to Nora’s back, pushing her toward the chair. “This is who I told you about.”

 

The synth faced Nora, taking his seat. “Hello, doll. I’m Nick Valentine, and Colter here said you needed some help finding someone?”

 

“I’ll let you all talk in private. I’ll be outside when you’re done, dove.” Colter headed outside.

 

Nora watched him leave before turning back to Nick. “Your secretary said you weren’t here.”

 

“I wasn’t.”

 

“When did you get back?”

 

“Last night.”

 

Nora’s eyes narrowed. “How do you know Colter?”

 

He tapped his fingers on the desk. “Wouldn't you rather discuss your case rather than where I’ve been?”

 

“No, not really.”

 

They stared at one another in silence for a while, neither willing to give in.

 

Finally, Nick released a soft laugh. “No wonder he likes you; you’re as tough as he is. Fine. Your friend with the sledge showed up in the vault I was being held in. Let’s just say that hard and loud is his style, and there’s no one left alive in that vault. Or in quite a few other places if anyone was dumb enough to shoot at him. He showed up and said I was needed for a case. Seems Ellie sent some big guns after me.”

 

Nora frowned, gaze returning to the door. She’d assumed Colter had just raged somewhere on his own, that he’d had a hissy fit with blood. As it turned out, he’d done something for her.

 

“So, now that we have that out of the way, are you ready to get started on your case?”

 

She pulled her gaze back and nodded.

 

It was time to find Shaun.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

Colter hated the fucking dog. The mutt would turn around, snarling and growling at him every time they near one another.

 

It loved Nora, hopping around her feet like a puppy, then would snap at his legs if he got too close. While he like the extra protection, it only further emphasized the divide already between them.

 

They’d followed the dog all day, picking up Kellogg’s trail and chasing it from clue to clue.

 

Colter knew who Kellogg was, of course. He’d met the bastard a few times over the years. The asshole never seemed to age, and shit bounced off him like it was nothing.

 

Hell, Kellogg was one of the few people Colter would be happy as fuck to leave be. One on one, who the fuck knew. Maybe he could take him, maybe he couldn't. The fact he wasn't sure made him very uneasy about dealing with him. If it were just him? Sure. But with Nora at risk, too? 

 

Bullshit. 

 

Then it turns out he’s the asshole who shot Nora’s husband and stole her kid, so leaving him be wasn’t possible.

 

It meant he’d gone a little overboard on the weaponry. Nora had good armor already, and his would work fine. Kellogg wouldn’t go down easily, but that was fine.

 

He just had to go down.

 

Nora nodded toward a small cave. “How does that look for the night?”

 

Colter frowned at the space. Ferals loved dark places like that, and if it went too far? Nah, wouldn’t work. Last thing he wanted was to wake up with teeth at his throat, at least any but Nora's. “Let me check it out first.”

 

She didn’t argue, but she unlatched her pipboy and handed it over, showing the button for the light.

 

He took it and ducked through the entry. The cave widened after the opening, though he wouldn’t consider it spacious by a long shot. The back of the cave had rocks closing off anything else, and nothing moved inside.

 

“It’s safe,” he called.

 

Nora didn’t need to duck much to move into the cave, Dogmeat by her feet. “No deathclaws?”

 

He smiled. “Sorry. Nothing dangerous.”

 

“Except you?”

 

His smile faded. A joke that might have made him laugh a few days before fell flat. “Shouldn’t set a fire, not this close to Fort Hagen. Kellogg's observant enough to notice, and I’d like to take him by surprise.”

 

She nodded and let her pack drop to the ground.

 

Dogmeat sniffed around the cave before taking a spot by the opening, ears perked despite the way he laid flat.

 

Much as Colter might hate the thing, he knew he’d sleep better with that sort of alarm.

 

Nora unhooked both their sleeping bags, rolling them out near the back of the cave.

 

“You wanting me to sleep that close? Because, I can sleep by the opening.” He nodded toward where Dogmeat laid.

 

“I’m not afraid of you.” She wouldn’t look at him.

 

“Never said you were. You’ve never had the good sense to be afraid of much, from what I’ve seen. Just don’t want you to feel trapped.”

 

“You don’t make me feel trapped.” She still wouldn’t look up, wouldn’t acknowledge him.

 

Colter took a seat on a rock on the edge of the cave, pulling his pack to him to fish out food. “Right. So bolting away from me was because I make you so damned comfortable.”

 

She sat on one of the sleeping bags, her legs folding beneath her. It drew the pants tight on her thighs, and Colter couldn’t help but notice. He shouldn’t notice, not with how things were between them, but fuck it.

 

“So, dove, why don’t you explain why you never told me? Why didn't you say it was Gage? Come on, it’s just us and your mutt. Talk to me for once.” He pulled a pack of sugar bombs and tossed them to her.

 

Nora took them, pulling the lid off, gaze on them as if that were a safer place. “He said he’d kill me if I told.”

 

“How long?”

 

“Since the first day we did the training.”

 

He’d known she’d been uncomfortable around Gage, but hell, he should have seen it. Why hadn’t he?

 

Because he hadn’t wanted to. Because it was easier to think the enemy wasn’t the only ally he’d thought he’d had there. “He attacked you that night? The scratches. . .”

 

“Yeah. When I was leaving, I was at the train. I hesitated because I didn’t want to leave without you, and he caught me off guard. He said he’d set you up to get killed, and that he’d slap a collar back on me and keep me for himself, for all the trouble I’d been.”

 

"How'd you kill him? I'm not doubting what you've learned, but Gage wouldn't have gone down easy."

 

"I listened to Nisha and stopped playing his game. I pretended along with him, gave him what he wanted, and then drove Mason's knife into him over and over."

 

Yeah, sounded a lot like that fuckwit.

 

Why couldn’t he have seen it? He wanted to kill the asshole himself. He wanted to take it nice and slow, show him exactly why the Disciples hadn’t ever bothered Colter, because blood didn’t bother him when someone deserved it.

 

And Gage had fucking deserved it.

 

Still, it pleased him that Nora had gotten to end him. Had to feel fucking good, or it would eventually. Didn’t matter what the fucking wasteland threw at her, she came out on top.

 

There were a lot of fucking people Colter wished he could have killed, that he’d never gotten the chance.

 

Nora nodded at his hand. “Better let that go.”

 

He dropped his gaze to his hands. Great. He’d gripped the knife at his waist and sliced his hand. “I’m a fucking disaster.” His fingers peeled away, and he realized, it hurt.

 

Nora came closer, kneeling in front of him.

 

The position made his own anxiety soar as he waited for any sign she might panic.

 

She said nothing at first, capturing his hand and opening it. “You’re always getting hurt,” she whispered. She reached into his pack and took out a strip of cloth. It turned red as she wrapped it around his hand. “You don’t need stitches. Just keep an eye on it.”

 

He should be careful, but as she took care of him, he couldn’t help it. His fingers slid beneath her chin and lifted her face to him. “I’m sorry, Nora. This all, it’s my fault. I put you in danger, and when I was the one who should have kept you safe, I failed. I’m not asking you to forgive me, I don’t deserve it, but I need to tell you sorry. I need you to know that I’m going to do better.”

 

She didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned into the touch until Colter opened the hand and she could rest her cheek against the inside. She turned and pressed a kiss to his palm. Her lips slid against his skin.

 

He pulled away. “None of that. It’s twice now you’ve tried to use sex when it’s been pretty fucking clear you aren’t really wanting sex. Let’s not make it three times. What’s up with that?”

 

Her gaze dropped, but he cupped the back of her neck to pull her closer, grip loose so she could pull away if she wanted to.

 

“Talk to me.”

 

“It’s easier. Talking is hard, but. . .”

 

“But fucking is easy?”

 

Her lips tilted up into a lopsided grin despite the tension in her body. “Seems that way. If I’m trying to do that, then I’m not thinking and you aren’t asking me questions and I’m better.”

 

He shook his head, thumb rubbing over her cheek. “Better takes time, and I don’t mind waiting. Rushing it won’t do a damned thing, trust me. You’re ready when you’re ready.”

 

She moved up to her knees and pulled him into a soft kiss. It wasn’t frantic, wasn’t aggressive. Her lips slid against his, hesitant, like she needed to test out the whole thing again.

 

He returned the kiss in small increments, just tiny adjustments to offer her, to let her know he wanted this, wanted her.

 

She broke the kiss first, but the flush on her cheeks? The way her breath caught? The glimmer in her eye that said there was something there, that she felt that spark? Fucking treasures.

 

He caught her wrist before she pulled away. “I love you, dove.”

 

“Still?”

 

He smiled, tugging softly until she leaned in for another quick kiss. “Always.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

Nora hated to admit it, but watching Colter tear through the synths in Kellogg’s place was more attractive than it should have been. He didn’t use the sledge, instead making use of an assault rifle. Still, he moved fast, aimed shots well, always seemed to know where the next enemy was coming from.

 

Nora held her own, setting up her shots when Colter cleared a good spot, then dispatching enemies from a distance.

 

They made a good team. It was an odd thing to consider, to realize. Nora had been enemies with Colter, lovers, but never partners.

 

It made her wonder if they could get past the nonsense in her head. And she knew it was nonsense. They were wounds left behind by Gage, and yet she couldn’t get rid of them. He’d forced her to talk, to explain why she’d rushed toward trying to have sex with him.

 

She’d known she wasn’t ready; She wasn’t stupid. It was just that she understood sex. What she didn’t understand was whatever was rotting inside her brain after Gage. She didn’t understand the fear and the panic and the pain. She just wanted to be past it all.

 

But, leave it to Colter to see through it, to demand something real instead. And she owed him that, didn’t she? He’d given up his entire life to help her. Still, as much as she hated the way he looked at her, the way he knew what had happened, it was also a relief.

 

She didn’t have to lie anymore, didn’t have to trip over the truth, didn’t have to worry he was going to leave.

 

It took a few hours before they’d cleared the whole fort, Kellogg’s voice taunting him the whole time. Now only a locked door sat between them and the man who had killed her husband, the one who has stolen her child.

 

 Colter stopped Nora before the door. “Hold up there, dove.”

 

“He’s just beyond that door.”

 

“Yeah, he is, and you need to be thinking straight before we get in there. Kellogg is a killer, straight and simple. He isn’t a raider, he can’t be reasoned with, he’s a gun for hire. That means whatever he was paid to do, he plans to do. So take a deep breath before we head in there. We got one chance at this.”

 

Nora let her arm with the rifle in it drop so it hung in her hand. She rolled her shoulders then shook her arms.

 

“Better?”

 

Nora took a deep breath before nodding. It was better. Her muscles eased, her head clearer. How the hell did he know exactly what she needed? “Yeah, I am. Thanks.”

 

Colter risked it and reached out, grasping her chin. He leaned in to kiss her cheek.

 

Nora wasn’t having any of that. She twisted her face until she could capture his lips in a deep kiss. She wasn’t blind. They were facing one nasty son of a bitch, and that wasn’t the sort of thing you went into with regrets.

 

She broke the kiss after a moment. “Let’s do this. Remember-“

 

“-We need him alive? Yeah, dove, I know. Honestly? I think your temper is worse than mine sometimes, so you keep that in mind.”

 

#

 

They went through the doors, though Colter went first. He was a bigger target, but she was almost a better shot. He could take a few hits and keep swinging, but Nora couldn’t take the beating he could.

 

Also, he was just fucking going to be in front and she could bitch and moan all she wanted later about it.

 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the most resourceful woman in the Commonwealth and her raider king. How did you get caught up in this, Colter? Last I heard, you were ruling your little kingdom out in Nuka World.” Kellogg held his gun up and to the side, and none of the synths opened fire.

 

Seemed they were going to have a chat. Perfect.

 

“I was in Nuka World. Then this little one crossed my path and it’s just the sort of score you don’t let go. Seems some fucker shot her husband and stole her kid. Wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

 

Kellogg flashed a smile, cheeks moving to shift the deep scar on his face. “We’ve always known to stay out of each other’s way. I’m going to suggest you two turn on around and walk out of here while you still can. What you came for, you aren’t getting.”

 

Nora moved from behind Colter. “Give me Shaun, you son of a bitch!”

 

“Persistent, aren’t you? That’s good, that’s how a mother should be. It’s how I would be if I were in your position, I’d like to think. But, I can’t give him to you because he isn’t here.”

 

Colter set a hand on Nora’s shoulder to keep her still. “If he’s not here, where is he? You’re a businessman, Kellogg. Right now, you’ve got a losing hand. We’ve stayed out of each other’s way because we both knew it’d be ugly, but right now?  Well, right now, you’re the fuck in my way. Tell us what we need to know.”

 

Kellogg laughed, shaking his head. “This is going to get you killed, raider king. Is it worth it?”

 

Colter’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, it is.”

 

“Fair enough.  He’s a little older than you thought, but I’m sure you figured that out by now. Look, Shaun’s with the Institute. Even if I wanted to help you, which I don’t, I couldn’t. Let him go, sweetheart because the Institute is out of your reach.”

 

Nora rolled Colter’s hand off her shoulder. “He’s with the Institute? I don’t care because I’ll find him, no matter where he is.”

 

Kellogg flicked his cigarette to the floor. “Well, I think we’ve talked enough, haven’t we? We both know how this is going to end.”

 

“Yeah, we do.” Nora’s voice came out low, dangerous, so different from what he’d grown used to.

 

Things happened fast, as they usually did when they went to shit.

 

The first bullet that grazed Nora pushed him over that edge, and let himself fall into the easy routine of rage.

 

Kellogg ducked behind a desk and popped a stealth boy. Nora’s attention was all for the merc, so Colter focused on the synths. Thankfully, they tended to aim for the biggest target, and in that room, it was him.

 

#

 

Nora was thrown clear of the gunfire, Colter having shoved her behind a filing cabinet. She’d be annoyed, but the wound on her arm said it was smart.

 

Colter dealt with the synths, nothing but violence. Hell, the way he moved was beautiful in a frightening way. He twisted through the room, slaughtering the gen2s.

 

A flash of light caught her attention. Kellogg’s stealthboy was catching the light as they tended to do. Nora had seen enough of them to have an idea how to catch someone using one.

 

He hid behind a desk, the flash of his gun going off and the absurdly loud sound it made easy to find him. She picked up a grenade and lobed it over the desk to land on his right. It meant he’d need to go around the corner to the right.

 

She pulled her blade and closed her eyes as she focused on the sounds.

 

The clatter of the grenade. A muttered ‘oh shit.’ The scuffle of shoes. One, two, three.

 

Nora swung around the corner, blade in hand, rewarded with how it buried into Kellogg’s body. It sunk in without any trouble between her thrust and his momentum. It slid between his ribs, but she lost the handle when he jerked backward.

 

His hand went to the knife, but he didn’t yank it out. Smart man. He might bleed out before he could stimpack himself. “This won’t get you your kid back, or your husband.”

 

Nora pulled her gun and aimed it. “I know. But maybe it’ll help me sleep at night.”

 

Kellogg’s eyes darted past her, toward where Colter was still working his way through the synths. He released a bitter laugh. “And you think he’s any better? You ever think about what he’s done? Because he and I didn’t avoid each other because we’re so different. At least I got paid for the shit I did.” He coughed, blood splattering on Nora’s suit. “So yeah, enjoy your high ground with your raider king. Shaun’s going to be so disappointed in you when you find him.”

 

Nora pulled the trigger. Even as the words sunk in, as they dug inside her skull, she pulled the trigger and let loose a bullet that struck him in the head. She wanted him dead, needed him dead, but she wasn’t one to make someone suffer. A clean shot was the best he was getting from her.

 

A hand on her arm had her jumping and pulling away.

 

“You okay?” Colter’s face didn’t shift, like her leaping away from him didn’t matter. He only let his gaze survey her for injuries.

 

She swallowed hard as she tried to shove away the questions. “Yeah. I was only grazed.”

 

He nodded, sliding his rifle over his shoulder. “Let’s check the place for clues, then get out of here.”

 

Nora couldn’t move for a moment as he passed her and crouched down to check Kellogg’s body.

 

Kellogg wasn’t wrong, not entirely. Colter was a raider. He was dangerous. He was a killer. Was that who she was going to introduce Shaun to? Who she was going to bring him home to?

 

Her gaze went down to her front where Kellogg had coughed the blood on her. Would she be a disappointment to Shaun?

 

#

 

Homeplate was nice enough, but if Colter had to be honest, he missed his loft in Nuka World. Maybe it was that ego he had to admit to having that loved being above everyone else. He liked waking up and staring out over his territory, over everything he had because he’d spilled a lot of fucking blood for it.

 

Homeplate he’d bought. Easy enough to do, and if they kept up with this bullshit, who knew how often they’d be in Diamond City. Cheaper and safer than renting a room every night. At least this way he could set up proper defenses, make sure they weren’t ambushed.

 

Nora hadn’t said much since leaving the Fort. Fuck, she hadn’t even said anything about the huge blimp that rode in spouting some ‘we come in peace’ bullshit.

 

And it was bullshit. No one rolled into an area waving their dick around like that unless they were looking for a fight, or at least showing off that they were ready for one.

 

Though, their timing was good. No way Brotherhood was there except for the Institute, and it meant they seemed to share an enemy, now. Enemy of the enemy and all that. Not that Colter had a clue how to get into the Institute. That was a lot of fucking levels above his pay grade.

 

The bloody piece of tech Nora had scavenged from Kellogg’s head was their only lead, and the Detective had said it meant their next stop was Goodneighbor.

 

Tomorrow, though. For that night, they needed rest.

 

It seemed strange to think it had already been two weeks since they’d left Nuka World. Two weeks of sorting out this new life, of figuring out this new dynamic.

 

He found he’d fit into it better than he’d expected. Sure, he missed being able to tell her what to do, though he supposed that didn’t matter much since she’d never listened before. How long had it been since he’d had someone at his side? Not someone he had to control, someone he had to watch because they might stab him in the back, but a partner?

 

Had he ever had that?

 

Fuck if he knew, but he liked it.

 

He liked her soft snores at night, and the way her fingers would brush over his skin to get his attention if his mind wandered. He liked knowing someone was at his back without looking. He liked waking up and having her face be the first one he saw.

 

All the normal daily habits had become important to him. The days he’d been alone while finding Valentine, when he’d woken with up without her, he’d felt incomplete.

 

“Have you been to Goodneighbor before?”

 

Colter lifted his gaze to hers, trying to switch tracks in his mind. “Yes. It’s been a lot of years. It’s more my speed than Diamond City.”

 

“Full of raiders?” The question held a sharp edge that had Colter’s shoulders tensing.

 

“Nah. Mayor there, a ghoul, he doesn’t really care for raiders. Still, the town is full of junkies, drunks, whores, and outcasts. They may not call themselves raiders but they sure as hell live like them.”

 

She nodded as she scrubbed her boots. She liked to keep her things clean, far more than he was used to, though he was a man used to some amount of order. “William said he’s pretty sure the Railroad works out of there. He showed me a few spots they frequent, in case I needed it.”

 

“I could see that. Hancock seems like the bleeding-heart type, and the town would be a good place to lay low. What’re you thinking, dove?”

 

“That we need information about the Institute, and the Railroad might be a good place to get it.”

 

Colter didn’t much care for the plan. He didn’t like enemies who hid in the shadows. After the distaste Gage left, Colter would much rather deal with the Brotherhood. They might be assholes, but they were assholes he’d see coming.

 

Still, he was gonna follow her lead, just like he’d said. “Whatever you say.”

 

She frowned, still staring at her boots, at her work, but nodded.

 

Damn, he wished she’d look at him. He missed her eyes, her smile.

 

Time, he reminded himself. It was gonna take time.

 

#

 

The nightmare broke as Nora bolted upright in bed. She didn’t scream, her lips clamped together, chest pounding.

 

Fucking Gage. Even though she was awake, all she could see was him above her, rubbing his cock against her lips, that damned smirk on his face. Her stomach rolled and she gagged.

 

Something pressed against her side. A bucket. She didn’t worry about how she’d gotten it, instead just heaving into it. She wanted to throw up the memory, to get rid of it all. She wanted to spew it into the bucket just to rid herself of it.

 

She could swear she tasted him still, like he’d burned into her lips.

 

He had though, hadn’t he? Burned all the way into her. Killing him hadn’t done a damned thing. He was still there, in her skull, in her skin. She wanted to carve him out but she didn’t know how.

 

When the throwing up turned into gasping dry heaving, she let her forehead rest against the top edge of the bucket.

 

“You think you’re done?” Colter’s voice had her flinching.

 

“Yeah.”

 

The bucket was pulled away, replaced with a second, a clean on.

 

“In case you’re not empty.”

 

Nora wouldn’t look at him while he took the bucket across the room and washed it out in the sink she had. The room was silent other than the splashing of water.

 

“Does it get better?”

 

The floor creaked beneath his bare feet as he came back over to the bed. They’d slept in the same bed with a good strip of space between them. She’d wanted to creep closer, to feel his heat against her back, but she hadn’t been brave enough.

 

“Yeah, dove, it gets better. Doesn’t happen all at once, doesn’t happen fast, but it does happen.”

 

She leaned over, setting the bucket on the ground. It didn’t seem anything else was coming up. “It doesn’t feel like it’ll get better. I can still feel him.”

 

The bed dipped beneath his weight as he sat beside her, but he didn’t touch her. “I know. Can’t say that will ever go away completely.”

 

She stared at her hands, opening and closing them like the motion could wrangle her thoughts. “Sorry about the throwing up.”

 

“I don’t fucking care about that. Hey, look at me, would you?”

 

Her lungs ached as she drew in a deep breath before meeting his gaze.

 

“Better. You’ve got to stop hiding from me, Nora. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you, but stop trying to hide.”

 

The words helped. Funny that a man who she’d never think of as a great linguist would know the exact right thing to say. He wasn’t forcing her to do anything, to get over it, to be okay. He was just sitting there offering whatever she needed.

 

Nora moved toward him, she didn’t throw her arms around him, instead opting to lie down, setting her head in his lap, curling against him.

 

He chuckled. “Alright. Let’s situate a little better, huh?” He scooted backward until he leaned against the wall.

 

She resumed her spot, closing her eyes and breathing him in. He didn’t smell like Gage, and it helped. It settled her stomach, helped her breathe.

 

Colter slid his fingers through her hair, fingers combing through the stands. The gentle tug of each brush of his fingers eased her.

 

She wrapped one arm around him, her thigh thrown over one of his legs. “Can you keep the nightmares away?”

 

“No, I can’t. But I can promise when they happen, I’ll be right here.”

 

And she supposed that was what really mattered.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Colter took one look at the asshole by the gate and knew he’d kill him. Reading people wasn’t hard, and this was the sort of fucker who wouldn’t back off. It was the self-entitled thug who stole what he could, but also the sort who used fear to get what he wanted. Too bad Colter didn't scare so easily.

 

“So why don’t you hand over everything you’ve got on you before accidents start happening. Big, bloody accidents.”

 

Nora’s back straightened, and hell, the little thing might pull her own gun.

 

“Fuck you,” Colter muttered before lifting his shotgun and unloaded a single shot into the man’s chest.

 

Hancock came around the corner, a grin on his lips and a trail of smoke behind him. “Hah! Walk into a new town, make a show of dominance. I like it.” He pulled the cigarette from between his ruined lips and flicked ash onto the street. “Been a while, Colter. Last I heard you were running your own little kingdom.”

 

“Sort of like you, huh?”

 

Hancock chuckled and flicked the front brim of his hat. “Sure. Nothing like being king of the castle. And who is this?”

 

The charm annoyed Colter. Hancock had always been good with women, men, anything. He didn’t want that shit within a mile of Nora, especially with things to uncertain. “She isn’t your business.”

 

“Everything that walks through those gates is my business, brother. You know that.”

 

Nora elbowed Colter before taking a step forward. “My name is Nora Jacobs.”

 

Hancock stuck his hand out. “Nice to meet you, Nora. I’m Hancock and I’m mayor of this little piece of paradise.”

 

Nora took his hand, and Hancock pulled her closer when he brought her hand to his lips.

 

Colter’s hands tightened around the shotgun still in his grip. That ghoul had best take his hands off-

 

Hancock laughed before releasing her. “Your boy there is going to pop a blood vessel. He’s a bit possessive, ain’t he?” Hancock turned his gaze back to Colter. “Look, I’m happy you’re back and all, but don’t cause me any trouble. You know we don’t put up with raider shit here, and I ain’t gonna be thrilled to hear you went and killed any of my people just because they looked a little long at your lady, there, understand?”

 

Colter pulled his hand off his weapon. “Sure, Hancock. You won’t have any trouble from us. Any advice on a place to stay? Not a fan of the Rexford. Doors are thin.”

 

Hancock shuffled his foot against the stones on the ground. “I’ve been needing the warehouse next to the Memory Den cleared out. Some troublemakers have moved in. You clear it out? It’s yours as long as you need. Sound fair?”

 

Clear out a few assholes in that old warehouse? “Not a problem.”

 

Hancock nodded at him, then winked at Nora. “You two enjoy your stay in my little city. You have any problems? Come see me.”

 

Colter glared as the ghoul sauntered away. “I hate that asshole.”

 

“He seems nice.”

 

“I hate him even more, now. Come on, dove, stay close. This isn’t the sort of town you want to go wandering around alone in.”

 

Nora smiled before scooting up, against his side.

 

He draped an arm around her, slow and careful in case she chose to pull away. When she only moved tighter to his side, he smiled.

 

At least until he spotted a certain man in sunglasses. A heavy coat with patches on the elbows hung on his shoulders, but those glasses? The way he watched without trying to look like he was watching? Yeah, he was the same guard Colter had seen prowling around Diamond City.

 

He’d taken too much notice of Nora in Diamond City, but Colter had chalked it up to lust. Him being here?

 

That stank of something more dangerous.

 

Colter leaned in to whisper in Nora’s ear as he steered them toward the man. “Someone’s following us, dove. Smile like nothing’s wrong.”

 

She nodded, twisting her face toward him, to whisper back. “Sunglasses? Yeah, I noticed him, too.”

 

“Aren't you observant? I’m impressed.”

 

The corners of her lips tilted up at the praise.

 

He’d love to bask in the response, to try to tease more smiles from her, but there was time for that later.

 

Instead, he twisted as they passed the drifter, pinning the man to the wall with a hand around his throat. “You're following us. Why?”

 

The man smiled. “You’re smarter than I gave you credit for. Who knows, you two might just be useful.”

 

Colter closed his hand in warning. “Who are you?”

 

“Follow the Railroad,” the man said before moving in a rush.

 

Hell, it impressed Colter. The man went from completely still to a burst of energy. He struck Colter in the ribs, something far harder than just bones telling Colter the man had slipped on some brass knuckles.

 

It loosened Colter’s grip enough for the man to twist away. A stealthboy buzzed and he was gone.

 

“Well fuck,” Colter said, voice strained.

 

Nora pulled up Colter’s shirt to check his side. “It’s a good thing you keep me with you. You need a fulltime doctor.”

 

Colter couldn’t help it. He leaned down enough to capture her lips in a kiss.

 

She responded, returning the kiss, letting his shirt drop down so she could wrap her fingers into the material of it instead. They stumbled until her back hit the wall.

 

Colter set a hand on the bricks to steady himself and keep from crowding her, from pinning her.

 

Her tongue brushed the seam of his lips, and his groan in response gave her access. She slipped her tongue past his lips, licking into his mouth, tasting him.

 

A chuckle from someone nearby got Colter thinking.

 

Right, fucking in the middle of Goodneighbor was a piss poor idea.

 

He broke the kiss despite her protest. “Come on, dove. Let’s clear the warehouse and we can pick this back up there.”

 

She took her lip between her teeth, lust fading away like she’d just realized she’d almost mounted him in the street.

 

Colter laughed at the red on her cheeks, the way her gaze darted away.

 

Fucking cute.

 

“Let’s get our bed for the night, huh?”

 

#

 

Nora moved the bedding around as Colter got them food. He’d headed down to the bar when Nora hadn’t been up for any sort of outing.

 

She was tired. Turned out, not sleeping well meant the days dragged on.

 

He hadn’t been happy with the idea of leaving her on her own, but she’d promised to keep the door locked, and they’d already taken out the triggermen who had occupied the building.

 

That damn kiss wouldn’t leave her alone, though.

 

For the first time since everything had happened, she’d felt like her. It had been just her and Colter there, with Gage so far in the back of her mind, he hadn’t mattered. She’d kissed Colter the way she had before, like she needed him.

 

What would happen when he came back? When they got into bed together?

 

She wasn’t ready for much, but that didn’t stop her from wanting, from thinking maybe they could be. She wanted to feel that again, to touch him, to feel his pulse speed beneath her hands.

 

“Hey there, little vaultie.”

 

Nora pulled back, away from the voice.

 

Standing in the room across from her was the man with the sunglasses. “I’m not going to kill you. I just thought we should have a conversation while your guard dog was out.”

 

“And what do you want to talk about?”

 

“Well, word is that you took out Kellogg. On a crusade to find the Institute. That makes you interesting to the people I work with.”

 

Nora frowned at his words. “The Railroad.”

 

“More than a pretty face, aren’t you?”

 

“So, you’re trying to what, recruit me?”

 

The man chuckled. “No. It’s too soon for that. I’m just stopping in to say hello. Think of this as a long courting. We’re getting to know each other, a few afternoon dates, that sort of thing. I’m not ready to take you to bed just yet.”

 

The phrasing had Nora taking a step backward.

 

He went still, and she got the feeling he was a master at body language. “Well, don’t you have some scars? I’m going to take off before big and scary shows back up. Keep up the good work and you’ll see me again.” He offered a mocking salute before popping another stealthboy.

 

It took Colter another fifteen minutes to return. He wasn’t happy about the little visit and spent another hour setting better defenses. The food was cold by the time he sat down to eat.

 

“I don’t like it,” he admitted. “I don’t like people watching us.”

 

“Well, I thought I’d need to find them at some point. They might be useful.”

 

“Maybe. Until we know more about them, I don’t want you out of my sight, though. Sneaky people make me nervous. I like dealing with people who will at least shoot you in the chest.”

 

Nora couldn’t focus on the food. She didn’t care about the man or the railroad or the defenses. All she could think about was that kiss. She wanted the feeling back.

 

“You should probably stop looking at me like that, dove. Got a lot of things in that look.”

 

“Take me to bed?”

 

He rubbed his hand over his face. “Said this before, you do love to go too fast. You're not ready.”

 

Nora shook her head. “We won’t have sex, I know. I just. . .” she sighed and dropped her gaze.

 

The chair scratched against the floor before Colter crossed the table and crouched in front of her to catch her gaze. “Just what?”

 

“I liked kissing you outside. I want that again.”

 

Colter smiled slowly as if charmed by the clumsy request. “Now, that I can do. Go on, dove, get settled in. I’ll close everything down.” He didn’t touch her, didn’t crowd her. Instead, he stood and turned to do as he’d said, to get things ready for the night.

 

Nora went to the bedroom, excited and nervous and worried and thrilled. She couldn’t even sort out each of the feelings at war inside her. It felt like being a teenager again, planning to meet some boy to make out with all night. Sure, the apprehension was still there, at the edges of her mind, but damn it, she wanted to feel like herself again, at least a little.

 

The only thing she knew for sure was that she loved Colter, and she needed him right then.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

Colter’s gulp was embarrassingly loud in the quiet room when he returned. It wasn’t like Nora was naked and spread eagle for him, and yet he couldn’t help the nerves.

 

She sat on the bed in faded pajama bottoms and a tank top, legs crossed, lip still between those damned teeth of hers.

 

Wasn’t like either of them were virgins, and hell, they’d already said they weren’t going to fuck, but seeing her there had his heart speeding.

 

He came in, shutting the door behind him. They were alone in the warehouse, but somehow the closed door seemed important, like it could close out the rest of the world.

 

“Hey,” she said, voice soft and just as unsure.

 

“Hey, dove.”

 

“It’s stupid, right? Being nervous. It’s not like we haven’t done this before.”

 

Colter came over and sat on the bed beside her. “Not stupid. How many time are you going to make me repeat myself? This shit takes time. Now-“

 

“-if I want to stop, I need to say it and we’ll stop. Yeah, yeah, I know.”

 

“You’ve gotten mouthy, you know that?”

 

She smiled before leaning in, closing the distance between them. “Yeah, I know.” Her lips brushed his in a sweet kiss.

 

Colter kept his hands on his own thighs despite his instinctual want to pull her closer. He wanted to wrap his arms around her because she always seemed moments from slipping away.

 

He didn’t, though. He stayed put as her lips played across his.

 

She set the pace, moving closer and up to her knees. She rose up so his neck tilted back and she was higher than him. Did that give her a sense of power?

 

One of her hands went to his shoulder, her other to the side of his neck to keep his head titled. She deepened the kiss, and he was a kid back in the settlement again. He was kissing some girl, not in a rush to get to other parts, just lost in her lips, in the promise of everything to come.

 

She pushed him backward until he laid flat, though she didn’t straddle him. She slid the hand from his shoulder into his hair to hold him still for her as she devoured him in the kiss.

 

She’d never been aggressive really, never been one to take control. Even that morning when she’d woken him up by blowing him, it hadn’t been like this. She held him down, held him still for what she wanted.

 

And he wanted to sacrifice himself to her, to whatever she wanted from him. Hell, right about then he didn’t care if she tied him down and took him, piece by piece, until nothing was left.

 

He swallowed her moans and gasps, savoring each one, the way she leaned into him, grasping for him, taking from him.

 

He’d believed for so damned long in Nuka World that she needed him. That had been his excuse, his reasoning for everything. She needed him. He’d told himself that, over and over again, but the truth? He needed her.

 

She moved her hand from his neck and slid it up, inside his shirt. Her fingers danced over each valley of his body, over the muscles of his stomach, over his navel. She’d never really explored him like this before.

 

Her lips pulled from his a breath, close enough she could lick his lips if she wanted to. “Take this off, please?”

 

He arched his back as he slid the shirt off, careful not to smack her on accident.

 

Her gaze traveled over his shoulder, his chest, his stomach. She returned her hands to him, hesitant. Her thumbs brushed his flat nipples and he hissed in a breath. Fuck, he didn’t even know that was something he liked.

 

But maybe that was the point, it didn’t matter what she did, he liked it. It wasn’t the touch, it was her.

 

“You’re strong,” she whispered.

 

He shrugged, lifting his hands slowly to place them behind his head. It left her to explore without worrying about him touching her. “Yeah. A life like mine will do that to a person. Does that scare you, now?”

 

She shook her head, though she paused as if she’d second guessed her answer. “Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes it’s easy to forget who you are and instead only see what you are.”

 

He could get that. Bodies are bodies and it wasn’t always easy to remember who controlled them. For a while after he worked his way up the ranks, when he stopped being a target, he still couldn’t stand being touched. It had taken months before he could stomach someone touching him, and that had been a woman he’d paid.

 

Hell, he still couldn’t tolerate bottoming for a man. The idea of one at his back, of that, he couldn’t handle it. So the fact that Nora could even consider wanting him, that was a lot of damned strength even he lacked. “I get that,” he said as if that said everything in his head. No, she deserved more. “It took me a long time to get my head on straight. Fuck, it still isn’t there. It’s why I won’t rush you, because I understand. Body has a memory all its own. Doesn’t matter if you know something, the body remembers. Means sometimes hands you know can feel like ones you don’t. It’ll happen for a long damn time. Hell, it can happen forever.”

 

“Forever?”

 

“Yeah. Even when you think it’s all over, when you think you’re all better, it’s still there in your head. Years from now, I could be touching you, and you’re back there.”

 

“Years from now? You’re planning on keeping me around that long?”

 

He smiled. “Oh, dove, I’m never letting you go.”

 

She smiled, fingers moving up over his ribs, then to his arms. When she traced them over the bottom on his arm, he laughed.

 

“You’re ticklish?” She repeated the motion.

 

That time he batted her hands away. “I’m not fucking ticklish.”

 

She laughed, but didn’t reach for him again.

 

He huffed a soft sound, going for annoyed but knowing it held no heat. “I like that sound. Haven’t heard you laugh for a while, you know? I missed it.”

 

She leaned down, lying down beside him. Her hands ran over his body as if memorizing each inch. She leaned in to claim his lips again, her fingers curling in to grip his side, to keep him close.

 

He let himself get lost in her kiss once again.

 

#

 

Nora stared at the memory lounger.

 

“You’ll just need to sit in there,” Dr. Amari said.

 

Fuck that. The sight of the thing had her pulse racing, her hands trembling. It looked so much like the cryotube that had stolen everything from her.

 

“Hey, look at me.” Colter’s voice seemed far away.

 

Nora couldn’t. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the small lounger that sat open like a set of jaws.

 

Colter moved between her and the lounger, ducking down to catch her eyes. “This is up to you. But you want to do this? I’m gonna be right here.”

 

“I don’t like small spaces.”

 

He set a hand on her cheek. “I know it. I’ll watch over you, though. You know that, know I won’t let you get trapped.”

 

“I need to do this.” She said it like she was convincing herself, reminding herself. 

 

“I know.” He leaned in, forehead against hers. “I know you do. You’ve got this, dove.”

 

She took a deep breath before she pulled away and sat in the lounger. The door closed, sealing in her. Instead of focusing on the cramped space, she thought about technology, about the way the brain worked, about how this interfaced with her brain.

 

She went over the old text books from med school, and the facts and figures, the way Mr. Turner would explain it with the same stupid joke about synapses and then stare at the class until they laughed back.

 

Dr. Amari’s voice floated over the intercom, but Nora ignored it. She didn’t need to hear it, knew all the science.

 

Everything went dark as she moved through Kellogg’s memories. Most of them didn’t matter. Sure, abusive father, murdered wife and child, she got how Kellogg turned into who he was. Hell, Nora could have gone that same way so easily.

 

She could have decided to become that. Colter had saved her from it in some strange way. He’d showed her who she wanted to be and who she couldn’t be.

 

It wasn’t until the last scene, until Nora came face to face with her own nightmare that things changed.

 

#

Colter watched beside Amari. He knew the vault, of course, had seen it with his own eyes, two hundred years later. Still, seeing it at the time, through Kellogg’s eyes, that was different.

 

Nora’s heart rate spiked as Kellogg lifted the gun, while the scientist pulled the child from Nate.

 

“You need to calm down. Your heart rate and breathing are too fast.” Amari spoke into the microphone, but it didn’t help.

 

Kellogg pulled the trigger, sending a bullet into Nate’s chest.

 

“She’s going to pass out, or worse. This level of stress when connected to the memory lounger is dangerous,” Amari told him.

 

Colter pulled the microphone toward him. “Dove, you need to breathe nice and slow for me. You’re not there. You’re here, with me. Come on, Amari will have you out in a second.”

 

Amari spoke softly to Colter, quietly enough that the microphone wouldn’t pick it up. “Her heartrate is slowing. Keep talking to her.”

 

“Better. Might be the first time you’ve ever listened to me. Remember, you already dealt with Kellogg. Asshole is rotting in his hidey-hole now. And next? Next we’ll find Shaun and we’ll deal with the Institute, together, yeah? We’ll give ‘em hell, remember?”

 

They went through the last memory, the one with Shaun, with Kellogg, before the memories ran out and Amari set it to wake her up. 

 

The lid of the lounger opened, and Colter twisted for it. He grasped Nora’s hands as she reached out, helping her to her feet.

 

Nora shoved his hands off her. “I can’t do this.”

 

“Do what? Talk to me.”

 

She shook her head, not looking at him. Nothing but ghosts behind those eyes like all she could see was Nate and Shaun in that damned vault. “I need some space. I can't breathe.”

 

“Where are you going?”

 

“Where I always go when I can’t do this anymore. Wherever there’s alcohol.”

 

Colter drug his fingers through his hair as she walked out, pale and shaky and so damned angry. And she was angry, even though she didn’t like to say it, even though she liked to pretend she wasn’t.

 

The woman was furious, and she had every right to be. After watching it all get ripped away, damn, Colter got it. He still remembered when the raiders tore through his town, watching as they killed the people he knew, killed his father. Yeah, he understood anger.

 

And now she was going to drink her anger away, and he fucking understood that, too, couldn’t exactly blame her for it. Everyone needed some time to drown themselves in booze. At least this time it wasn't because she was pissed at him. 

 

She just better not end up in some man’s lap again, or Hancock was gonna be pissed by what Colter did.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 Nora poured tequila into the two shot glasses, smiling at the man across from her. The man had said his name was Dan. Or Ben. Or. . . something.

 

After the third shot, Nora stopped remembering, stopped caring. The VIP room was quieter than the rest of the Third Rail, but a few ventured inside it and wandered.

 

“You’re two hundred years old?”

 

She tossed her drink back, swallowing it in two loud gulps before slamming the glass to the table. “Yep. Not too bad looking, am I?”

 

He grinned, gaze lingering on her chest openly. “Not too bad at all.”

 

Nora returned his grin and lost herself in the flirting. She leaned forward, pressing her arms together on the table to create more cleavage. “Oh yeah?”

 

“And that’s about enough. Fuck off, brother.” Hancock turned a chair around, sitting backward in it.

 

“Hancock-“

 

“-trust me, I’m doing you a favor. This girl here has a deathclaw following her around you don’t want to play with it. He catches you looking down her dress, he’ll stab you, and I won’t even be pissed about it.”

 

The man’s face paled before he took off, leaving the shot glass there.

 

“What are you, the resident cock block?”

 

Hancock laughed before taking the still full shot glass and downing the tequila. “Not usually, no. However, I know Colter, and I saw the way he looks at you, and he’ll have no problem causing me a lot of fucking problems if he catches someone leering at you. I like my bar not covered in blood. Not really a fan of the raider décor, you know?”

 

Nora picked up the bottle for another drink.

 

Hancock snatched it away. “Nope. What are you drinking away, huh? Ain’t got a problem with people escaping their problems with chems and liquor in this town, but dragging Colter around means you got baggage. You have a fight with him?”

 

“No.”

 

“So then go fucking talk to him, huh? I swear, you people in love are idiots. Don’t look at me like that, it’s pretty fucking obvious. Love seems to kill the boners in any room, and you are a boner killer even with all that cleavage. He’s getting antsy at the bar, has wanted to come in here and drag you out since you got here. Go put him out of his misery already.”

 

Nora sighed and rubbed her fingers against her eyes. She knew Hancock was right.

 

She wasn’t mad at Colter and it wasn’t fair to take this out on her. She hurt, down into her soul. This pulsing pain that just wouldn’t go away.

 

Shaun was ten. She’d lost ten years. That kid in Kellogg's memories was called Shaun, had to be her Shaun, but she didn't recognize him. She didn’t know that child, didn’t know what he liked or who he was or anything. The infant he’d been, the one who had smiled up at her when she spun his mobile, he was gone, lost to her.

 

Even if it was the same person, it. . . wasn’t.

 

She pushed herself to standing, the shots she’d done clouding her head. “He’s at the bar?”

 

Hancock pointed toward the door. “Just follow the frowning and you’ll found him.”

 

Nora left the back room, fingers trailing along the wall to help steady her. She hadn’t realized just how much she’d drank while she was sitting.

 

At the bar Colter sat, face forward, though the tension in his shoulders said he’d probably been staring her way until he spotted her. He was handsome. Hell, how many other women in the bar stared at him? She'd seen the looks, the lust. With the tequila in her system, she didn't think about anything but the expanse of his shoulders, but the way his jeans fit over his ass. 

 

She stumbled her way through the bar, past the singer, past the drunks and the smoke.

 

Colter didn’t look her way, hadn’t moved, his elbows on the bar, a beer in his hand.

 

She neared him and her foot caught something, or maybe nothing, and she pitched forward.

 

Strong arms caught her, and she lifted her gaze to look into Colter’s eyes. Guess he had been paying attention to her. “You’re always getting yourself into trouble.”

 

She slid her hand behind his neck and pulled him to her lips. The liquor soaked into her as she kissed him, tilting her head to avoid smashing her nose into his.

 

His hands tightened around her then released as he groaned. He broke the kiss. “Yeah, always trouble. You finish up your little drinking game with that fucker?”

 

“Hancock finished it for me. He took my tequila.”

 

“Well, I’ll have to thank him later. You done drinking?”

 

“Nope. But I am done here. Take me to bed."

 

He reached out and snatched a bottle of tequila from below the counter, offering the Mr. Handy bartender a middle finger when it went to object. “Come on, we’ll finish drinking in our room.”

 

#

 

Colter didn’t expect Nora would drink anymore. Half way back to the warehouse, he’d given up walking and just picked her up.

 

Still, the bottle kept her from arguing, and that made it worth it. He didn't feel much like arguing with her. He was really fucking tired of arguing with her. 

 

“I’m sorry you had to relive that shit with Nate,” Colter said as he sat in the chair beside the bed, legs on the bed where Nora sat.

 

“It’s not that.”

 

“No?”

 

She shook her head, nursing the water Colter had given her. “No. It’s the fact that Shaun isn’t a baby. I lost my baby. Even if I find him tomorrow, he’s ten now. He’s not the infant I held, the one I brought home from the hospital. He’s. . . gone. Forever.”

 

Oh.

 

Colter said nothing at first as the words sunk in. He hadn’t thought about that, hadn’t considered it. He could see it, though. It wasn’t just time passing, it was the realization that she’d missed so many things she’d never get back.

 

Fuck. Colter wished he knew what to say, how to help. He hadn’t thought a lot about kids, even though he knew they were looking for hers. Sometimes, late at night after Nora had fallen asleep, he’d started to think about it. He’d thought about a baby, one maybe he could hold, one he could help raise.

 

There was no baby, now. There was a kid, and she had to grieve the baby she'd never get back. Worse, he couldn't give her a baby, either, and he wasn't planning on giving her up, or sharing her, which meant there was no foreseeable way for her to have any baby. 

 

He wanted to say so many things, but settled on, “I’m sorry, dove.”

 

She sighed, her finger running over the edge of the water. “I know. I’m not mad at you. I mean, how could I be mad at you? You’re out here helping me find my kid, a kid that isn’t yours, so it’d be pretty terrible of me to be mad at you.”

 

He laughed, his own water in the hand he had dangled over the armrest of the chair. “Come on now, you’re pretty damned good at being mad at me. I’d hate to fuck with something we’ve got right.”

 

Her gaze roamed over him, her cheeks flushed. “Angry isn’t what I’m feeling right now.”

 

“Yeah?” He took a drink of his water to keep from moving over to her. “What are you feeling?”

 

Nora polished off her water and tossed the can to the ground. She slid her shirt off, wavering as she did so. “Why don’t you come over here and see?”

 

“You’re drunk, dove. Not about to fuck you when you’re drunk.”

 

“I was drunk the first time we fucked.”

 

“Yeah, you were, but things are different now.”

 

Her smile fell, eyes darting away like she’d been reminded of exactly why it was different.

 

“Hey, none of that. I prefer the smile.”

 

She nodded to herself like she’d decided something before lifting her gaze back to his. “I’m drunk and horny, Colter. You aren’t really going to turn me down, are you?”

 

“I am for sure turning you down.”

 

Nora laid back on the bed, her hands going to her pants. She shimmied them off, taking her underwear with them. The acrobatics of her removing her shoes would have been worth a laugh if she wasn’t flashing him everything as she did so.

 

“Isn’t going to tempt me, dove.”

 

Once she’d stripped down, Nora moved off the bed. She got into his lap, knees pressing into the chair on each side of his hips.

 

Fuck, a naked Nora in his lap was something hard to ignore, and his cock wasn’t ignoring it, pressing against his jeans in a way that begged him to adjust. Not that he’d do it, because going anywhere near his cock was too tempting. One touch and he might decide it was worth it to take her. 

 

Nora placed one hand on his shoulders as she leaned in for another kiss.

 

He returned the kiss but kept his hands on the armrests. If he could hold her off for even an hour more, she’d pass out.

 

Then he could jerk off because she was a fucking tease.

 

She broke the kiss and nipped his earlobe. “Come on, Colter. Touch me, please. I’m so wet already.”

 

His hands tightened down on the armrests, the chair groaning beneath his grip. “Can’t do that. You aren’t ready for it, and even if you were, wouldn’t try it when you’re plastered.”

 

“Fine,” she whispered in a challenging tone that made him nervous.

 

Nora sat back and drug her hand down her chest, then between her legs. Her other hand stayed on his shoulder for balance.

 

“Fuck,” he muttered as her fingers stroked over her clit.

 

Her head dropped backward, and when she moved her fingers, the light caught on the wetness there. She was soaked, and he wanted to lick it off her fingers. He wanted to toss her onto her back on the bed, to get between those thighs and give her exactly what she’d begged him for.

 

No.

 

Too much.

 

Instead, he stayed still while he watched her.

 

She used two fingers to fuck herself, rougher than he’d expected her to be. Had to be the alcohol, easing those nerves. But, hell, it wasn’t like he could stop her from masturbating.

 

And maybe it was selfish, but he wanted to watch it. He wanted to see her come apart on her own fingers, wanted to see that flush on her cheeks, the hitch in her breath. He’d missed that.

 

He might not be able to help her, couldn’t touch her, but watching her still soothed him.

 

Nora’s nails caught his shoulder as she started to lift her hips then sink them down against him, a mimic of riding him.

 

“Feel good? What are you thinking about?” He should keep his mouth shut but he couldn’t. He wanted to hear her, needed to connect with her.

 

“Yes, so good. I’m thinking about you, about the time you spanked me. You had me over your lap, then you fingered me, just like it.”

 

He couldn’t help a soft laugh at the memory. He’d never have figured she’d react the way she had, that she’d get off on it. Hell, maybe someday they’d try that again.

 

It’d be a long fucking time, of course, but he had time to wait. 

 

She tipped to the side, so he set his hand on her neck to steady her. She turned her head to suck his thumb past her lips. Her tongue slid against his finger, teeth raking over it. She sucked the finger in and slid it out, the exact motion he’d have loved to feel on his cock.

 

Speaking of, the back of her hand pressed against his cock as she rode her own fingers, a continual motion that, paired with her mouth on his finger, was getting him closer to his own release.

 

His hips thrust up, meeting her hand, adding to the friction. It was supposed to be about her, but he was only human.

 

Her thighs quivered as she took his finger deep into her mouth, eyes closer, forehead creased. She rubbed harder against her clit until she came.

 

The sight of her coming was enough for him to follow her.

 

She collapsed against him, her arm wrapping behind his neck, her body against his. Her face nuzzled his neck, her breath and tequila rolling over him.

 

He shifted, his pants now wet and cooling from his come. Yeah, coming inside his jeans wasn’t the sort of thing that made for a lot of comfort. Not that he cared a bit. Fuck, if he got to have her writhing and fingering herself above him, he'd come in his jeans any fucking day. He dared any man to claim they could hold off with that and he'd show them a liar. 

 

Nora released a soft snore that turned into an alcohol fueled snort.

 

He laughed before he stood and tucked her into the bed to let her sleep off her shots. He changed his clothing, groaning as he peeled the fabric of his underwear from his skin.

 

He replaced his underwear with a new pair before climbing into the bed.

 

Nora rolled in her sleep and curled up against him like some instinct even half a bottle of tequila couldn’t erase.

 

He slid an arm around her and closed his eyes.

 

Nothing was getting between them. They'd survived Nuka World. They'd survived Gage. 

 

There was nothing the world could throw their way that they couldn't deal with now. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

 Radiation sucked.

 

Nora had figured she’d be ready for the Glowing Sea. She’d dealt with rad storms, with bullshit radiation filled warehouses.

 

How bad could the Glowing Sea be?

 

Well, the answer was pretty damned clear in the sweat pouring from Nora’s forehead inside her power armor. It slid down her face, into her eyes, and she couldn’t do a damned thing about it. She’d squinted her way through most of the distance, not landing shots on anything because she couldn’t see.

 

Colter shoved the door shut in the small building they’d found. She’d have rather pushed through until they reached Virgil’s cave, but she’d run out of energy about an hour before.

 

How Colter knew, she couldn’t figure, but his voice had come over the com system in her helmet and said he’d found a place for the night. There was no arguing with him when he had that tone of voice, and truth be told, Nora knew she needed a break.

 

The thick concrete walls reduced the radiation count inside to tolerable levels, meaning they could get out of the power armor and get a good night sleep. The clicking of her Geiger counter on her pipboy slowed to a steady beat instead of the frantic dance it had been doing outside. Some rad-x would help more.

 

Nora got the helmet off, dropping it on the table in the old military building so she could rub the sweat from her eyes.

 

Colter did the same, then both of them got out of the power armor, leaving the suits in front of the door to block them. Not many things could move two sets of power armor to get through a door, and fewer things would find it worthwhile to do so.

 

“You okay there, dove?” Colter set his hands on her cheeks. “You look pale.”

 

Nora pulled in a deep breath and nodded. “Radiation takes it out of me, I guess. I didn’t grow up in this wasteland, you know.”

 

Colter kissed her forehead before releasing her. “Yeah, I know. Why don’t you set up a place for us to sleep and I’ll take care of checking the space, then get you some rad-away.”

 

“I don’t want to waste any of that.” Even as she spoke, a wave of dizziness hit her as she missed a step.

 

“Whoa.” Cotler grabbed her arm in a saving grip. “Why don’t you just sit down, and I’ll take care of the rest, hmm?” He guided her to the corner and helped her sit, back against the wall.

 

Nora closed her eyes against nausea and dizziness from the rads. She swallowed in slow, regular gulps to settle her stomach and keep down anything threatening to come up.

 

Her reaction was frustrating.

 

Yes, she had a lower tolerance than most others because of her background, but this was absurd. She’d been inside a suit of power armor and had taken rad-x. She shouldn’t be this sick. It had to be due to the Glowing Sea, like maybe the radiation was more concentrated, like it was harsher? Colter didn’t seem to be bothered by it, but again, being pre-war meant she was different.

 

Colter worked quickly, barring the other door after checking further into the building. He set up the sleeping bags, face unhappy like he’d have rather they had a bed. She’d started to recognize that face, the one he got when he wanted to do more, to give her things he just couldn’t. He’d done it when she’d admitted she was upset about Shaun’s age, when faced with things he couldn’t help. Finally, he went through their packs for food. Since he couldn’t cook worth shit, he pulled out a can of cram and a bag of veggies she’d cooked roasted over the fire the night before.

 

The sight of the food made her stomach tighten and roll. “I’m not hungry.”

 

He lifted his gaze, lips pulling into a grin. “You got any idea how many times we’ve had this argument?”

 

“I know, but I’m serious this time. I think the rads are hitting me harder than I realized. If I try to eat that, it won’t stay down.”

 

His smile fell before he put the veggies back into the pack and pulled out a bag of rad-away instead. “Well, that means you don’t get to argue about the rad-away anymore. If you can’t even eat, you must need it.”

 

Colter secured the bag to a nail on the wall and placed the needle into the crook of her arm. The medicine flowed down the line, a chill that ran along her skin and helped counter the heat that plagued her.

 

Nora’s eyes slid closed again as the meds ran their course while Colter ate his food beside her.

 

While the memories after the Third Rail were fuzzy due to the alcohol, she remembered them. Hard to forget getting into a man’s lap naked and fingering herself. She’d never been that forward, that wanton. She’d always been the type to play coy, to draw men in. Not that she regretted it. Hard to regret the taste of his lips or the look in his eyes as he’d watched her.

 

“A blush like that makes me wonder what you’re thinking about, dove.”

 

“Last night.”

 

“Well, I like where your head’s at, then. It was a hell of a sight.”

 

Nora laughed, though it shifted into a yawn halfway through.

 

“Tired?”

 

She nodded. “I think my age is catching up to me. I’m not as sprightly as I was at 120.”

 

“Perhaps, but you’re just as snarky.” He set an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. “Close your eyes, hmm? Some sleep’ll help you kick the rad sickness.”

 

Nora relaxed into the embrace. Time got away from her, since keeping track of it was more troublesome than it had once been, but it had been about a month since Nuka World, since they’d started their lives over.

 

With the time passing, she was growing more comfortable, more confident. She almost felt like herself again, like the woman she’d been before Gage.

 

Not before the war; she’d been a different woman then. Not weak, and capable in her own right. She’d been a talented doctor who could handle any medical emergency that came her way.

 

Nuka World had forced her to grow in other ways. She’d had to learn to fight, to protect herself, to trust herself. Mason, Nisha, and William had all taught Nora, all proven to her what she was capable of doing, of the strength she had that she’d never realized.

 

Then Gage had happened and shaken all that confidence she’d earned.

 

The drunken night with Colter ran through her head and helped. Sure, she couldn’t get drunk every damned time, but the fact he’d sat still for her there, it built a level of trust.

 

She trusted Colter, wouldn’t have brought him with her if she didn’t, but that trust had cracked when Gage had raped her. She’d felt adrift like every person was a threat, and that had included Colter. It was as if her mind couldn’t separate friend from foe anymore, like each person was just a potential enemy. Colter’s body wasn’t Colter anymore, it was just a collection of muscle and strength of danger.

 

Colter having the self-control to give her the time, to not push her, to put her wellbeing in front of his own wants helped bridge the gap between who they’d been and who they could be. It helped remind her he wasn’t Gage, he wasn’t her enemy.

 

She wasn’t sure what he was, what he could be, but she knew she wanted to find out.

 

She drifted off to sleep as the medicine ran down the tubing and into her arm.

 

 

#

 

Waking with Nora grinding against him was a pastime Colter fucking loved already. How many mornings had it happened in Nuka World?

 

Girl was frisky in the morning, before fully waking, before her own head caught up enough to think she should be embarrassed. Waking up to her nails in his skin, to her cunt against him, it was his favorite damned part of the day.

 

And that morning was no different.

 

At least until he roused enough to remember they weren’t in Nuka World anymore and that this shit required a clearer head, now. The last thing he wanted was her to wake up and look at him with that fear in her eyes.

 

That fear killed him. He understood it, wasn’t mad about it, but it still fucking hurt. The way she’d flinch from him, fuck that shit hurt. Made him feel like he was just like Gage, like he was like the men who’d done that to him. He knew he was, knew she didn’t think he was, but just like she couldn’t control her reaction, he couldn’t control the way it ached.

 

“Hey, dove, wake up,” he whispered as he opened his eyes, ready to have her pull away. He expected her to jerk backward, to be breathing hard and need to be talked down.

 

Except, she wasn’t asleep. His thigh had ended up between hers, as it often did since when sleeping they tended to wrap into knots together. Her hand gripped his side as her hips moved, forward and backward motions that rubbed her cunt against the top of his thigh. It wasn’t the clumsy, broken motion from when she was asleep.

 

This was purposeful.

 

“Do you want me to stop?” She asked the question without opening her eyes, though her hips slowed to an almost-gone twitching like she couldn’t stop entirely.

 

“No, no reason to stop you if you want this. You think I could get a kiss, though?”

 

Nora leaned into his space, taking the kiss he offered as her hips began to move again.

 

Colter risked lifting a hand to cup the back of her head to deepen the kiss. Wetness drug along his thigh, the heat tempting and addictive. She’d removed her underwear so nothing was between ‘em, just the way he liked it. Her body moved in a way that drew him. The roll of her hips, that clutch of her nails. Was there a damned thing about her he didn’t like?

 

When she came, it was quick and quiet. A soft gasp left her lips, her thighs tightening around his. She shuddered against him in waves, nothing like the drunken orgasm that had happened before, or the way angry sex they’d had before leaving Nuka World.

 

This was sweet. This was something new, something he liked, something. . . more.

 

As she came down from her orgasm, as her breathing slowed, she didn’t pull away. Her lips moved against his in gentle kisses like small thank yous.

 

She grasped his hand and pulled it from behind her neck, guiding it between their bodies until she pressed his fingers against his cock through his underwear. She didn’t actually touch him, but the request was clear.

 

And fuck him, because he couldn’t seem to tell her no about anything.

 

Colter pulled his underwear down, shimmying them enough for access. He gripped his cock and gave it a teasing stroke, losing himself in the feel of her lips against his. At least, he did until she pressed her hand to his shoulder and rolled him onto his back.

 

She broke the kiss and moved her lips along his jaw, along his throat. The touch of her tongue to his skin would pull groans from him each damned time. Her gaze stayed down on the movements of his hand even as her lips moved from spot to spot.

 

So, it was a peep show, then?

 

Her hands trailed over his arms, his chest. She moved her fingertips so softly, he groaned against the touch as he jerked himself off. She explored, as she had before like reacquainting herself with his body.

 

She moved her lips from his skin and twisted her head to rub her cheek against his chest. “I like watching you.”

 

“While I can’t figure why you’d find me appealing, I admit, you looked good when I watched you the other night.” He wanted his voice to come across confident and sexy, but it broke in the middle when his hand stroked the head of his cock.

 

He didn’t try for finesse or to hold things off. He wasn’t fucking Nora, didn’t need to try and make it last. The way she watched him, her hands still stroking his skin as if she wanted to keep heading south but didn’t quite dare, it all drew him toward his finish.

 

He came with a heavy groan, spilling onto his own stomach, hand stroking every drop out of him, eyes shut and neck arched.

 

Nora’s hand moved down from his chest to his stomach, fingers dipping into the still warm come. She drug her fingers through it like finger paint as she sat up, eyebrows together.

 

“You okay there?' He panted the words out, his hand going to her back in a gentle touch.

 

She nodded, though after a moment her lips pressed together, and she rushed off the sleeping bags. She made it to a corner and dropped to her knees to start gagging.

 

Nothing came up, probably because she hadn’t eaten dinner the night before. Nothing to come up.

 

Wasn’t exactly a surprise she’d react like this Least it wasn’t fear. Disgust? Yeah, he understood that. He still remembered the first time he’d tried to masturbate after all that bullshit with his first gang. He’d gotten himself off because he was fucking determined to not be some eunuch who couldn’t even come. Afterward, though, with the come on his hands, he’d all but thrown himself outside to throw up in the bushes while he tried to scrub his hands clean.

 

Yeah, he got that shit.

 

Colter rose, snatching a dirty shirt from the ground to wipe himself off. He tossed it aside as he watched her heave. Her shoulder blades showed around her tank top, sharp through the back of it. Her underwear cupped her ass in a way that would have been far more interesting if he hadn’t just gotten off, and if she wasn’t doing the whole evacuate bullshit.

 

It took a minute before she got her breathing under control, a line of drool from her lips, her weight braced against the wall with one hand. She leaned her head against that wall, eyes sliding closed. “Sorry.”

 

“Told you it’d sneak up on you. I’m not mad, dove.”

 

Nora rolled to sit, back against the wall, before wiping her mouth on the bottom of her shirt. “It wasn’t you, not that. I really liked this morning. I don’t think I’ve felt this good since. . .” She shook her head, rubbing her hand down her face. “I think the rads are still getting to me. I’ve been sick since last night.”

 

Colter frowned. They had plenty of rad-x and rad-away, but the fact she was reacting this poorly was concerning. Being pre-war, Nora might not be able to tolerate the Glowing Sea as they got closer.

 

He’d have to keep an eye on his supply and up her dosage. If they got to a point of no return, they’d have to turn back. He couldn’t risk her getting any sicker from the rads.

 

Colter reached into their pack and pulled out the rad-x. “Come on, dove. Let’s get you your meds and then we’ll get our asses to Virgil. I don’t want to be out here any longer than we need to be.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

 “Raider or caravan?” The woman at the gate of Bunker Hill narrowed her gaze after she spoke like she didn’t normally pay any attention to who actually stood before her. One good look at Colter had her taking a step backward. “Colter,” she said.

 

“Guess I don’t need to answer that, do I?”

 

“Normally, I’d remind the raiders that they’re on a short leash and we pay their bosses a lot of money.”

 

“But I don’t have a boss.”

 

“And we don’t pay you any money.”

 

Colter flashed a smile that was more of a dare than a greeting. “And yet I’ve never attacked you. Should mean you’ll roll out the red carpet, right?”

 

She pressed her lips together before nodding back at Nora and ignoring the question. “Who is that?”

 

Colter wrapped an arm around Nora’s shoulders and pulled her to his side. “She’s my associate, and in case it isn’t obvious, anything happens to her? All the protection money in the world won’t keep this place safe. We clear?”

 

The woman’s fingers went to her pistol but she didn’t pull it. “Yeah, we’re clear. Feel free to take a room at the Inn, on us. Just try to stay out of trouble, huh?”

 

Colter laughed as he ushered Nora into the city.

 

“So, your reputation goes pretty far, doesn’t it?” Nora lifted her gaze to cast a side-long glance at him.

 

“I’ve been a raider a long time. Made a lot of enemies.”

 

“And a lot of friends?”

 

He shook his head but kept his arm around her as a show to anyone watching that she was off limits. “Not many friends, no. A lot of allies, I guess, but friends aren’t exactly something people like me gather.”

 

He didn’t say the rest of it, that friends were a quick way to get stabbed in the back. The sort of people he'd associated with weren't the sort you could trust. Gage was a great example of that bullshit.

 

Mostly, he was glad to be out of the Glowing Sea. Virgil hadn’t been what he’d expected, though a super mutant scientist wasn’t the sort of thing he’d ever expect. Guess that’s what his life had become, where courser chips and super mutant allies were the norm for him.

 

At least Nora had seemed to perk up once out of heavy radiation. Her color had improved and while her appetite hadn’t returned, the nausea had mostly disappeared. They’d need to return to get the schematics after they got their chip and had it decoded.

 

She couldn’t make another trip into the Glowing Sea, however, which meant Colter would need to leave her somewhere. Not that Nora was going to make that easy. No chance she’d be happy sitting her ass out somewhere, but having her too sick to help would be worse.

 

She’d understand, somehow. Or at least Colter told himself that so he didn't worry about it then.

 

“Why don’t you go set our shit down in that room, dove? I’ll look around, order us some food, meet you in the marketplace?” He pointed at the building behind the obelisk. “Right in there. We’ll go after the chip first thing in the morning once we’re rested. Tonight? Thought maybe we’d have dinner, talk some, you know. . .”

 

She cocked up an eyebrow, that spark of mischief flashing across her face that he’d missed. “Are you trying to get me to go on a date with you?”

 

Colter narrowed his eyes. “Fine, never mind.”

 

Nora rose to her toes and silenced him with a kiss. “It sounds good. Give me thirty minutes?” She didn’t wait for an answer before heading off toward the Inn.

 

#

 

Stupid.

 

Nora repeated the insult in her head over and over again as she smoothed her hair down with water. She’d have loved to leave it loose since she knew Colter liked it like that, but the trip to the Glowing Sea had turned it dry and filthy. It would take a few washings to try and bring it back to life.

 

Instead, she braided it, then twisted it up into a bun, using the water to keep it as manageable as possible, given the circumstances.

 

Being this nervous was stupid. She wasn’t meeting someone she’d never met, not going on a blind date. How many meals had she shared with Colter?

 

They’d seen each other at their worst, spent the nights pressed against each other, had had sex. Nerves like this should be reserved for first dates and meeting in-laws.

 

But, that was the thing. This was a first date, in a way. It was them trying to be normal, trying to see what was beneath all the emergencies they seemed to find.

 

And more than that? Nora was pretty damned sure she wanted to have sex with him. It had been over a month since Gage, and while she wouldn’t say she was over it, her desire for Colter had outgrown her fear. She didn't wake up from nightmares most nights, and him touching her didn't make her panic. The nightmares had faded, replaced by dreams of Colter's hands, of his lips.

 

She wanted to feel normal again. Not in a frantic way when she’d tried before, not to escape, but just to have back what they’d had.

 

Nora wanted to feel his hands on her, the calluses scraping against her skin, his lips on hers. She needed to feel his weight and his heartbeat and his strength.

 

It had been too damned long, and she was so tired of letting someone else control her.

 

So, she cleaned her face, did the best bath she could with the water she had, and dressed in a pair of jeans and a tank top that lacked any large stains. She’d have preferred a nice dress and heels, maybe some jewelry to lure him in, but she had what she had.

 

Nora locked the door behind her, their gear secure enough. She’d left her weapons in the room because Colter would be armed. She didn’t want to look like a warrior, she wanted to look like her. A part of her wanted him to see her, just her, and want her. 

 

She followed the building he’d indicated around until she found the opening near the front gate. Inside, shops lined the walls and a collection of tables sat in the center of the room.

 

At one such table sat Colter, along with a woman Nora didn’t recognize. Her hair was bleached white and shaved on one side, a tiny scrap of cloth covering her breasts and a harness of leather holding that scrap in place. A pistol hung on her hip along with an array of blades, spots of blood soaked into her pants.

 

Clearly a raider. Hell, it was like the female version of Colter. All hard lines and attitude.

 

It reminded her of the woman he’d slept with in Nuka World.

 

The woman reached over and set a hand on Colter’s forearm, the one on the table with his hand around a beer. Her fingers stroked over his skin, nails scratching in a blatant offer.

 

Nora came forward until she could hear them.

 

“Come on, Colter. Just like old times.”

 

“Not interested, Teddy.” He moved his arm from her as he took a drink of his beer. After he set the beer back down, he twisted to spot Nora, lips sliding into a smile.

 

That smile soothed her, reassured her. 

 

“Hey, dove. You look good.”

 

Nora returned the smile and took the seat on the other side of him.

 

“Who’s this?” Teddy nodded at Nora, lip pulled up into a sneer. “She your new plaything? Seems softer than you like.”

 

“I’m Nora Jacobs.” She stuck her hand out, too unsettled to realize it was a stupid plan.

 

Teddy peered at the hand but made no move to respond. “She for real? Where’d you find this one, Colter?”

 

“Teddy-“ His voice dropped low, the threat obvious.

 

Nora pulled her hand back. “It’s fine,” she rushed out. “How do you two know each other?”

 

“Nuka World,” Teddy said before she leaned back in her chair. “I’m a Pack raider.”

 

“You’re one of Mason’s?”

 

“Oh, little girl, if Alpha heard you call him that, he’d skin you alive.”

 

“I doubt it. He and I have an understanding.”

 

Teddy looked over at Colter. “She’s mouthier than I would have expected. Is this what you’re into, now? Been a while, but I remember how much you like nails in your skin, teeth at your throat. Can't see her doing that.”

 

Colter set his beer aside. “I’d suggest you be very careful, Teddy. In case it’s been too long and you’ve forgotten, I got a short temper. You’re poking right at my last nerve right now.”

 

Teddy pouted, her red lips sticking out. “Don’t act like that, Colter. I’ll remind you just how good I am at making you forgive me. A few hours with me and you’ll remember how much fun I am, and how much fun we are together. We’ll fuck, we’ll do some chems, and then we’ll go raid a settlement or two. Toss this one back, Colter, you got bigger game right here.”

 

Nora wanted to open her mouth and argue, but something about Teddy made her tear her gaze away. The women looked perfect beside Colter, like two of a kind. How could Nora ever have thought she'd compete with a woman like that?

 

Enough. Nora stood and moved away from the table. “Nice meeting you, Teddy. Colter, I’m sorry, but I’m still tired. I think I’ll go lie down.” She didn’t wait for a response before she fled, just like she had the night he'd slept with the raider woman.

 

#

 

“If I can run her off that fast, she wasn’t going to last long anyway.” Teddy leaned in on the table, arms pressing together to show off her tits.

 

Not that Colter gave a fuck about her tits. He stood to follow Nora.

 

Teddy leapt up and moved in front of him, her hand pressing against his chest. She pressed her lips to his in a hungry kiss, all teeth and old passions.

 

Colter shoved her away, so hard she stumbled and tripped. “Touch me again and you won’t live through the day.”

 

Teddy’s eyes went wide, scooting away, the reflection of what Colter could be, what he was, in those eyes.

 

He pointed at her once more before turning and heading for the Inn.

 

Inside the room, he found Nora struggling with the laces on her boots. She yanked at the strings until they'd turned into a tangled ball.

 

“It’s okay,” she said, voice soft.

 

“What’s okay?” Colter crouched in front of her to help undo the knots she’d made in her laces.

 

“You and her. I get it, I do. You’re a man, you need release. We haven't been able to, so I get it.”

 

His fingers tugged at the knots, the ones she’d made out of her own anxiety. Girl let the shit in her head twist her up all on her own. “Never asked for that, did I?”

 

“You’ve had sex with her before.”

 

“Yeah, I have. I’ve had no shortage of sex, dove. Never claimed to be innocent. You going to hold them all against me?” He pulled her boot off, then went to work on the other.

 

“I’m not holding it against you. I’m being realistic. She’s the sort of woman you want, right? I mean. . . you two fit. Maybe this was all a fantasy. I thought I’d we’d have dinner and what? We’d suddenly make sense? She reminded me what you are and what I am and why this is doomed.”

 

Colter pulled off her other shoe before pressing a kiss to her knee. “We aren’t doomed. If I wanted her, I’d be with her, wouldn’t I?” He leaned in further and pressed his lips to her other thigh. “Isn’t a fucking place I’d rather be than right here.”

 

“She’s pretty.” Nora whispered the praise, gaze on her hands in her lap.

 

Colter shook his head at Nora’s insecurity. Why didn’t she fucking get it? He was following her around the Commonwealth, he’d said he loved her, and she still didn’t get it? “I guess. Can’t say I ever noticed much. Most of the time we fucked it was quick, just bodies. There’s a reason she isn’t here beside me, though. She and I, we’re a lot alike, but that isn’t a good thing to me. Believe it or not, I’m not a fan of myself. I’ve got a temper, I’m vicious, I’m hard-headed. Last thing I’d want is a woman like me.”

 

Nora met his gaze finally. “You’re not so bad.”

 

“You just got bad taste. Look, you’re sweet, and you’re kind, and pretty much every fucking thing I’ve wanted out of a partner. No matter how bloody my life has been, and it’s been fucking bloody before, I never thought about settling down with anyone like me. I pictured having someone who balanced me, someone who could have the soft edges I don’t. Fuck, I think I’d kill myself if I had to spend my life with someone like me.” He leaned up so he rested on his knees, his face just below hers. When she spread her knees, he moved between them, hands going to her hips.

 

“I’m sorry I ruined the night.”

 

“Didn’t ruin shit. I was hoping the night would end up back here anyway.”

 

Nora slid her arms over his shoulders. “I was, too.”

 

“Oh yeah? You planning on seducing me over dinner or something?”

 

Nora leaned down the short distance, her lips moving across his jaw. “Yeah, I was. I had thought maybe you wouldn’t turn me down tonight.” Her teeth closed around his earlobe and tugged, the feeling going straight to his cock.

 

Colter got to his feet and pulled her up, hoisting her legs around his waist, fingers grasping her denim-covered thighs. “Oh, trust me, dove. There’s no fucking way I’m turning you down tonight.”

 


	12. Chapter 12

Colter set her on the bed, not wanting her feet to touch the ground. The ground was fucking dirty and covered in splinters. Didn’t need her getting tetanus, or rabies, or-

 

“Colter.”

 

Her voice brought his gaze up to her face. “Sorry. Guess I spaced a minute there.”

 

She smiled, scooting backward until she was centered in the bed. “I thought I was supposed to be the nervous one.”

 

“It isn’t fair, but you fucking undo me. Never been nervous before, yet here I am like some teen aged boy. So, have some pity on me and don’t make fun, huh?”

 

Nora grasped her tank top and pulled it over her head, discarding it on the floor. She’d worn no bra, leaving her bare from the waist up.

 

Colter knelt on the bed, then moved close enough to pull her into a kiss. One hand grasped the back of her neck, the grip tilting her head for better access. His other hand moved down to her breast, grasping it, his callused palms rubbing over her nipple.

 

He should go slower, but the bite of her nails encouraged him.

 

He drew his hand together until the fingers stroked her nipple, the weight of her breasts, the warmth of her skin against his familiar and perfect. He’d needed this, needed to touch her, to feel her come apart against him.

 

Slow was good. They’d needed slow. But fuck, he hadn’t realized until that moment how damned badly he’d needed this.

 

And the way she clung to him, the pulling of her hands against his shirt until he rested on top of her said she needed it just as bad.

 

Maybe that was part of the point. When Colter had been getting over his shit, he’d had no one. He hadn’t had any relationships before and didn’t have a single person he could trust, someone to lean on, someone to need. Nora had that in him, and the way her hips moved up against him, seeking, said maybe that was important.

 

Maybe he’d underestimated how much she’d need his touch, how much getting this part of their relationship back could help her move forward. Would it have helped him if he'd had this?

 

Who the fuck knew.

 

He broke the kiss, shifting down so his knees rested outside of hers, as he trailed kissed down her jaw and neck. His tongue dipped between each tiny ridge along the front of her throat. He needed to memorize each line of her body again, wanted to spend all night reacquainting himself with each curve, each dip.

 

Nora’s hands grasped for the fabric of his shirt, pulling until he relented. He leaned up to pull the fucker off and tossed it to the side, then captured her lips for another kiss.

 

Her fingers ran over his skin, over the muscles of his shoulders, his biceps, his forearms. She stroked each one, pausing as they flexed when he moved.

 

Colter bowed his back as he captured a nipple between his lips, tongue toying with it, teeth carefully kept away. She might be desperate, but rough shit just wasn’t in the cards. At least, not from him. She could get as rough as she wanted, he would take anything for her.

 

Nora threaded her hand through his hair to hold him to her as he sucked on that nipple, then soothed it with his tongue. His hand grasped her ribcage, unable to ignore how damned small she was compared to him. She was just like the dove he called her, a little thing that was hard as fuck to catch or keep.

 

The creature he’d be chasing all his damned life, and that was fine by him. He’d given his life to raider gangs before, to pipe dreams and bullshit. Nora was the first thing really worth it.

 

He moved down further, lips trailing over her ribs, her stomach, over the stretch marks that he hadn’t paid much attention to before. When he reached the line of her jeans he closed his teeth around the waist and cast his gaze up, eyebrow lifted.

 

Nora nodded, so he used his fingers to undo the button and pull them off. His fingers brushed her skin as he worked the denim over her hips, her thighs, until he pulled them free. It left her in just her underwear beneath him.

 

He should slow down again. Check-in. Make sure this shit hadn’t rattled her.

 

Whatever was on his face Nora noticed, because she hooked her own fingers into the hips of her underwear and shimmied them off.  Her thighs parted around him, as she sat up, lips going to his as she worked the button of his pants.

 

Fuck slow. Fuck waiting.

 

He’d followed her this far, he’d follow her in this, too.

 

Colter let her kiss him, let her taste him, let her undo his pants and push them over his hips. He helped only by twisting to get the fabric off, repeating the motion to strip him of his underwear. He let her do whatever she wanted and was rewarded when he settled between her thighs, his skin against hers.

 

“You wanna switch positions? Could let you be on top.”

 

“No.”

 

“You sure? Maybe me being over you isn’t such a great-“

 

“-Shut up, Colter. If I don’t like it, I’ll tell you.”

 

He laughed at the stubborn streak in her voice. “Sure, dove. Whatever you want. Let’s get you ready first.” Before she could snark off anymore, he rested his weight on one arm, his other hand going between her thighs. He didn’t head straight for her cunt, didn’t want to startle her. Instead, he drug his fingers down over her hip and to the inside of her thigh. He brushed the back of his knuckles up her slit, a soft stroke to ease her into it.

 

She jerked, her hands lifting to his arms and gripping his biceps. Her hips lifted toward his hand, silently seeking more.

 

Colter twisted his hand so he could repeat the motion with his fingertips. He stroked her, adding more pressure with each pass until his fingers parted her folds. At the top of her cleft, he drug two fingers, wet from her, over her clit.

 

Her thighs fell open further at the touch, her neck elongating as she tilted her head backward.

 

And fuck it, because that was the sort of offer he couldn’t resist. Colter leaned in, never stopping the movement of his hand, and pressed his lips to her throat.

 

Made him think of the collar he’d had on her in Nuka World. He couldn’t kiss her throat like this back then, and now? Now he wanted to lavish attention on the spot like that could erase what he’d done.

 

Her cunt tightened against him as he dipped two fingers into her. A soft whine left her lips, so he slowed his fingers. “Relax,” he whispered against her skin.

 

Her hands loosened as she pulled in a deep breath. After a moment, her cunt stopped tensing, allowing Colter to seat his fingers inside her. He moved his thumb to her clit, brushing it in teasing strokes.

 

He didn’t want her to come, not yet. With how nervous she could get, it’d be best if she wasn’t that sensitive. Once he’d gotten inside her, then he’d get her off.

 

He pressed his fingers into her, slow thrusts to make sure she was ready, to relax her. His lips never stopped, though he couldn’t help it when he latched his lips to a spot on the side of her neck and sucked hard enough to leave a bruise.

 

Her cunt squeezed down in response.

 

Fuck, he loved her.

 

He withdrew his fingers and set his hand on her thigh. “Ready?”

 

Nora hooked a leg around his thigh, heel digging in as she pulled him closer.

 

“Take that as a yes, huh? All right, dove, let’s try this.” He pressed his cock against her, the fucking heat tearing a groan from his throat. Sliding into her was like coming home, like something fucking instinctual. He dropped his forehead against her shoulder as he pressed forward until he was fully inside her.

 

She didn’t wince, didn’t tighten up, didn’t show an ounce of unease. And didn’t that figure?

 

He’d been so sure she’d freak out, that she wouldn’t be able to handle it, and he was the pansy ass who was nervous. No matter how many times he thought it, it always hit him between the eyes when he had to remember that women were fucking tough, and Nora could hold her own.

 

The leg still wrapped around him tightened, her hips lifting.

 

He chuckled before using the grip on her thigh to spread her legs further before he pulled back, not far because he wasn’t going to lose that warmth and tightness for anything, and thrust back into her.

 

“Fuck,” she hissed, back arching up. For a woman who didn’t curse much, he loved the filthy word on her lips, especially when it tapered off into a moan.

 

“Missed having you like this,” Colter admitted as he took her.

 

She met every thrust of his, hands everywhere like she couldn’t get enough of him. He released her thigh and wrapped an arm around her, near her lower back, and pulled her closer to him. It angled her better and kept more of her against him, which was exactly what he wanted.

 

Didn’t want an inch of space between them.

 

Nothing for bullshit to snake into. No room for Gage, or Nuka World, or the fucking Commonwealth. Nothing but his body and hers. A whole life of them getting fucked over by everything in sight and they’d finally found something worth it. Finally, someone who wouldn’t fuck them over.

 

He rolled his hips, grinding against her, never retreating much. Nora planted her foot against the mattress to add power to the thrusting of her own hips. He pulled her tighter against him so his strokes rubbed his pelvis against her clit, each movement drawing a broken gasp from her, telling him he’d gotten it right.

 

Her blunted nails dug into him as she came, her body twisting beneath him, against him, head thrown back into the pillow. She pulled in a breath before she stopped breathing for a moment, body tensing below him like the best fucking picture in the world. She flushed, red breaking out over her cheeks, her chest.

 

He took her lips in a deep kiss, groaning against them as he came, spilling into her. Even still, his hips moved in small, uncoordinated thrusts. He’d never get enough of her, never be tired of her.

 

Colter rolled off her as soon as he finished, not wanting to crowd her. Never could tell how someone might react once the adrenaline wore off, when they crash down from that high. Didn’t want to be caging her in if she decided she needed a good panic.

 

He laid on his side next to her, his arm beneath a pillow.

 

She drew her legs up so they were bent, heels against the bed, gaze on the ceiling.

 

“I’d kill to know what was going on in that head of yours.”

 

She twisted her head to grin at him, and fuck him, he was lost. That grin, it was just for him, a sweet gift, her face still flushed, sweat on her chest, hair messed. “You’d kill no matter what. That isn’t a big offer from you.”

 

Colter reached out and pinched her side. “Smart-ass.”

 

She rolled so she mirrored his stance. “I was thinking that was good. It’s what I needed. I was afraid things would be different between us, that once we actually had sex, it would be. . .” she sighed. “Different. It wasn’t though, it was just us.”

 

His eyebrow cocked up. “It’ll always just be us, dove. I’m not the type to share.”

 

Nora pressed a hand to his chest in a playful shove.

 

Colter wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her forward until she was against him. He kissed her once, a quick brush of his lips against hers.

 

Nora wrapped her arm around his side, squirming as she fit her thigh between his, plastering herself against him. After a minute and some shifting, she’d managed to press every inch of her against him, her eyes sliding closed as she basked in the afterglow.

 

Colter ran his fingers through her hair before settling in himself.

 

Finally, things were looking up. As he watched her sleep, as he relaxed, ready to give into his own wariness, he smiled.

 

It was nice for the world to have stopped kicking them for once.

  


	13. Chapter 13

As it turned out, coursers were no match for a pissed off raider. Between the gunners in the building and the courser at the top floor, it had taken Colter and Nora only an hour to clear the whole thing and dig the chip from the courser’s neck.

 

Nora held the chip up to the light between her fingers. “Funny to think such a tiny thing can matter so much.”

 

“Funny, that’s what I thought when you first showed up in Nuka World.” Colter gave her a grin as he closed up the windows, ensuring there was only one way in and out of the house they'd taken for the night.

 

It just wasn’t fair when he did that, when moments of charm broke through and he managed to get her smiling.

 

“I’m not that small.”

 

“You really are, dove.” He set pulled her toward him so her back pressed against his chest and set his chin on the top of her head. “See? Little.”

 

Nora brought her elbow back into his side, not hard enough to really hurt him, just hard enough to make a point.

 

His breath rushed out before he laughed and let her go. “Little and with a hell of a bite. Perfect for me. Now, come on and sit down, I need to talk to you.”

 

Nora pulled away, taking a step backward. ‘I need to talk to you’ was the verbal equivalent of a kick in the ovaries. It was never ‘I need to talk to you; you’re getting a puppy.’ It was bad, always.

 

Was he leaving her? Had he decided this was a bad idea? Her mind took a flying leap off the anxiety cliff.

 

“I swear, one of these days you’re gonna stop thinking stupid shit,” Colter muttered as he sat on the couch, then waved Nora over to sit beside him.

 

“If you don’t want me to worry, then don’t start conversations with ‘we need to talk.’” She sat down beside him, folding her legs to turn toward him.

 

“After we get the chip decoded, we’ve got to get it back to Virgil, right?”

 

She nodded, the conversation not going the way she’d expected. “Right.”

 

“Well, after your last reaction, I think I should make the trip alone.”

 

Oh, fuck that. “There is no way in hell I’m going to sit back while you go back into the Glowing Sea alone. First of all, this is my son we’re talking about. I’m not going to sit back and let you take care of it. On top of that, in case you weren’t paying attention, the Glowing Sea wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. You are not going alone there. You could get hurt, you could-“ She snapped her mouth shut before the words escaped.

 

His lips tilted up, and he brushed his thumb against her cheek. “You’re worried about me?”

 

“Of course I am.”

 

He pulled her in for a quick kiss. “Fine. What if I take someone with me? There was a good merc in Goodneighbor. I’ll pay him some caps, he’ll watch my back. We’ll make the trip in no time and be back before you know it.”

 

“I can’t ask you to-“

 

He lifted his hand to silence her. “You’re not asking me for anything. We’re in this together. It means we both have things we have to do, right? You don’t see me trying to sweet talk people or make alliances. I’m not fixing stab wounds or broken bones. That last trip was not good, Nora. Those rads hit you way harder than I’m comfortable with. Fuck, you still haven’t recovered.”

 

“I’m fine.” Even as the words came out, she knew they were a lie. She was always tired like she couldn’t quite sleep enough to feel rested. She just couldn’t shake the feeling of malaise.

 

“You aren’t. You’re slow, you still aren’t eating enough, and dragging you back out into those rads isn’t going to make you better any faster. Trust me, the merc and I can handle it. I’ll be gone a few days, a week at most, and you can take that time to rest up. We both know when we make it into the Institute, we’re going to have one hell of a fight on our hands. You need to be at your best for it.”

 

She wanted to argue, but he was right. She didn’t feel well, but she also wasn’t willing to put everything on hold for her to feel better.

 

Nora pulled in a deep breath before she nodded. “I trust you.”

 

He froze. “Well fuck, I never really expected that to happen.”

 

“You’ve been telling me to trust you for a while.”

 

“Sure, but I never figured you would. Never figured I’d earn that, knew I didn’t fucking deserve it. I thought you’d always have this fear in the back of your head that I was going to fuck you over somehow.” He stared down at his hands, flexing and drawing them into fists. “I know you keep saying Shaun is your kid, but fuck, I think of him as mine, too. He isn’t, I know that. He’s you and Nate’s, I know. But, you’re mine, and he’s yours, and that makes him sort of mine, too. You ever think about what you want to happen when you find him? About what kind of life you want?”

 

“Not really. I did when I thought he was an infant. I mean, I thought I’d find him and it would be like it was before, but that life is gone, now. He’s a kid, now. He’s got his own hobbies and things he likes and things he hates. He’ll have foods he loves and others he won't touch, and I don’t know any of it. I feel like I can’t even say I’m a Mom when I don’t know anything about my child.”

 

Colter set an arm around her and pulled her against his chest, arranging them both until she rested against him, facing away. “Don’t think I know of any mother who has done as much for their kid as you have for Shaun. That other shit? You’ll learn it. Fuck knows kids change their minds so fast, you’ll be relearning that all his life no matter what. Will you. . . “

 

“Will I what?”

 

His sigh blew her hair into her face. “Will you still want me around? When you get Shaun back, when you have your happy little family, will you still want me to stay? I could see you deciding that maybe a raider wasn’t the sort of man you wanted around your kid.”

 

Nora twisted until she rested with her front against his, so she laid on him on the couch. “You’re kidding, right?”

 

But he wouldn’t meet her gaze, and that told her, didn’t it?

 

She grasped his chin to bring his gaze to hers. “You’re right, I wouldn’t want some raider around Shaun, but you? You’re more than just some raider. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I find him, where I want to live, how I’m going to do any of it. There’s only one thing I know for sure, one thing that is the same every time I picture my future, and that is that you are in it beside me.”

 

He released a heavy breath like he’d been holding it in, like he’d been too afraid to even breathe. His hand went to the back of her neck and he pulled her in for a kiss.

 

Yeah, this was the part of her future she refused to lose.

 

#

 

Colter preferred first meetings to happen with bullets and shows of force. He liked to spill a little blood to make a point. While he and Mason didn’t get along, the Alpha at least had the same idea. First meetings should happen with the snapping of teeth and the taste of blood. Anything short of that, and you just didn’t know each other well.

 

It meant that the Railroad’s little game of follow the line and password set off all his alarm bells.

 

Worse? The asshole who had been following them, the one who had snuck into Nora’s room, stood beside their leader singing their praises. Fucker's name was Deacon. 

 

Fuck, Colter hated games.

 

He kept his mouth shut for all the meet and greet bullshit. Colter was good at a few specific things and he knew what they were. Looking scary and backing that up. Talking and making friends just wasn’t in his skill set.

 

Nora though? Nora did it well. She smiled and charmed every damned person, even the fucker in the glasses seemed smitten.

 

Still, as much as Colter hated this, it was the only choice. Amari had pointed them in the Railroad's direction, the only option for decoding the chip. Seemed they were not only sneaky assholes but smart as well.

 

Not what Colter had been hoping for. The more he learned about these people, including the amount of background Deacon seemed to have on them both, made him uneasy.

 

The only one he could stand? The fucking synth, Glory. That was a girl after his own heart.

 

He startled when Nora set a hand on his arm. “Sorry. Just jumpy.”

 

“Not a fan of being underground?”

 

“I’m a raider, not a fucking molerat.”

 

She went to her toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Well, keep looking this nervous and someone will shoot you in principle.”

 

“And? We take out this whole damned group and use their little computer to decode the chip ourselves.” He flashed her a smile she didn’t return. “Kidding, dove. You give any thought to where you want to spend the days I’ll be gone? Sanctuary has a decent set-up. Diamond City isn’t bad, and you could even stay in the warehouse in Goodneighbor.”

 

Nora shuffled her foot against the ground, the way she did when she knew he wasn’t going to like what she had to say. “I thought I’d stay here.”

 

“Here? I want you safe, so I’m not sure the best place for you is with the one enemy the Institute would like to take out. Don’t think I haven’t been fucking listening here. Their last headquarters were found by the Institute, and they wiped them out. It was a slaughter. That isn’t the sort of place I want to leave you at.”

 

“I know. The thing is, Sanctuary would take a few days to get there, wasted days when I’m supposed to rest, right? And if I stayed here, I could take that entire time to recover.”

 

“And? Don’t think I don’t see you plotting.”

 

“And these people are the biggest threat to the Institute like you said. If I want to get inside, if I want to be able to fight them, I need to understand them. There’s no better place than here for me to do that.”

 

He wanted to argue with her, because he sure as fuck didn’t want to leave her there alone, but she was right.

 

So far they’d gathered little real information about the Institute. They knew about the relay, they knew about coursers, they knew about synths, and that was it.

 

“I don’t like it,” he admitted.

 

Nora slid her arms around him, leaning against him. “I know you don’t, but I don’t think you’d like leaving me alone anywhere. It’s fine, okay? They have a good doctor here, lots of security, and it will only be for a few days while you’re gone.”

 

“Won’t take my eyes off her,” Deacon said as he walked up.

 

Colter narrowed his eyes. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

 

Nora caught Colter’s chin and pulled his gaze back to hers. “It’ll be fine, I promise. I’ll be right here when you get back.” She pressed her lips against his, and it soothed the worried part of him.


	14. Chapter 14

 Colter checked his pack again. Only an idiot would head out to the Glowing Sea without being really fucking sure he had what he needed.

 

Weapons. Food. Stimpacks. Rad-x and Rad-Away. Chems. Caps.

 

Nora’s foot scraped against the ground beside him. She'd been nothing but nerves and anxiety since they'd decided he'd head out alone. “I could still come with you, you know.”

 

He left the pack on the ground and turned to face Nora. “Stop worrying so much. You’re going to take it easy and I’ll be back in a couple days.” He reached out for her but pulled his hand back.

 

Things were still strained. They were unsure.

 

Sure, they’d had sex. He hoped they would again often, but he wasn’t an idiot. It wouldn’t happen all at once. Wasn’t like shit ever went right all at once. It would still take time for her to be comfortable with him. Nightmares still happened, and she still flinched if he moved too fast. Yeah, it'd take time. 

 

Nora was always braver than he was, though. She caught his hand and pulled, though it worked only to pull her closer to him. “Don’t I get a goodbye kiss?”

 

Colter leaned down, his lips pressing to hers, his hand behind her neck. She gave so nicely, offering him everything, made him want to take everything.

 

When he pulled back, far enough she couldn’t reach his lips, she shifted the kisses to his throat.

 

“We don’t exactly have time for that, dove. I’m supposed to check in with Drummer Boy before I leave.”

 

“We can be quick.”

 

“We aren’t ever quick.”

 

She raked her teeth over his pulse, hand cupping his groin through his pants in a firm grasp. “Please? I need you before you go.”

 

Need? Fuck if she didn’t know exactly what would get him going, exactly what he’d do anything for. He hardened against her hand, cock jerking softly as she stroked him through the fabric.

 

He swallowed hard, voice husky. “You sure? We aren’t exactly hidden here.”

 

"I don't care." She undid the button of her own pants, sliding them off, and there went his concerns.

 

Fuck the Railroad. They were at the back of the shooting range, and anyone could walk in, and he just didn’t care. Someone wanted a view of his ass, they could have it because nothing was going to stop him from getting inside Nora before he left. He needed to feel her, to touch her, before heading out.

 

Nora toed one shoe off so her pants and underwear hung on her other ankle. Perfect.

 

He unhooked his own pants, shoving them down enough for Nora to grasp his cock and pull it from the clothing. The warmth of her hand had him groaning and moving them both backward until she pressed against the wall.

 

He sucked two fingers into his mouth to get them wet, then moved the hand between her thighs. His other hand rested flat against the wall behind her for balance.

 

She clutched his shoulders and moaned as he rubbed her clit, the motions quick and focused. This was a quickie, grasping for a moment before he had to leave. Wasn’t time to take shit slow.

 

Colter leaned in to place his lips near her ear. “I love how soft you are, dove, how much you want me. I’m going to be thinking about this the whole time I’m gone.”

 

She lifted the leg without her pants, hooking the leg behind his thigh. “I’m ready. Get to it. Like you said, we don’t have a lot of time.”

 

He shook his head before he shifted his hand forward to bury two fingers in her cunt. “We have as long as it takes. Not about to rush this and risk upsetting you. The whole fucking world can wait as far as I’m concerned.”

 

Her fingers dug into him, but her body gave way. Not too tight, plenty wet. Fucking perfect and ready for him.

 

Colter hoisted her thigh up higher around him before he lined himself up, crouching for the right angle. He slid into her cunt as he took her lips in a kiss to silence them both. Once he’d seated himself inside her, he straightened up and brought her other leg around him.

 

Her back pressed into the wall as he grasped her hips. Their kiss took all his attention, his hips working on instinct. He fucked her deep and faster than the last time, and he couldn’t find a speck of concern in her.

 

She urged him with her legs tight around him, with her nails buried in his shoulders, with the soft moans that he swallowed down.

 

He got closer, slowing himself down, wanting her to come first. There were some damned lessons he’d picked up like women didn’t much care for it when you left ‘em high and dry.

 

Nora broke the kiss. “Don’t stop.”

 

“Not stopping. Just need to give you a little more time.”

 

She traced his bottom lip with her tongue. “I don’t care. We’ve got a limited amount of time here. You can make it up to me when you get back.”

 

He laughed before resuming his pace. “I will. The second I get back, I’m getting between these thighs. You know, I love you so damned much, it’s not even fair. Gonna miss you, haven’t been away from you this long since I saw you in Nuka World that first day.” He groaned when her body tightened around him, her hips shifting forward. “Fuck, dove.” His fingers dug into her hips, and if it wasn’t for her enthusiastic moans, he might have been worried he was going to rough.

 

He filled her on one last thrust, leaning forward to pin her against the wall as he came. He shouldn’t crowd her, but fuck, he wanted to hold her still. He wanted to grasp her and keep her close. Even if it was just while he was inside her, while he filled her, he wanted her to be his.

 

Her fingers stroked over the skin on the nape of his neck, her forehead against his shoulder.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Would you stop worrying about me?” Nora moved her leg off his hip and to the ground, Colter helping to lower her other leg.

 

He tucked himself back into his pants before crouching down and helping her get her foot back into her pants. Once he’d pulled them up, he stole another quick kiss. “I think that’s it. I’ve gotta get before they head in here and threaten to drag me out.” He grabbed his pack and slid it over his shoulder.

 

“Wait.”

 

He stilled. “What's wrong?”

 

Nora fidgeted beneath his stare, hand in her pocket. “I have something for you.”

 

“Oh really? You got a going away present for me?” He grinned, tone playful.

 

She pulled her hand from her pocket, something tucked into her palm as she held her hand out to him. “Yeah. I, well, I wanted you to have this.”

 

Colter reached out, opening his hand beneath hers, waiting. She finally opened her hand and dropped the item into his hand. He froze as he stared at the present.

 

Nora took a step back, arms crossing and uncrossing. “It’s okay if you don’t want it. I just, well, you’ve given me a lot, done a lot for me. I wanted to make sure you knew it mattered to me. I’m not replacing Nate with you, you’re totally different, this is totally different, but-“

 

Colter shut her up with a kiss. He pressed his forehead against hers and whispered against her lips. “You’re sure you want me to have this?”

 

Her forehead brushed his as he nodded. “Yes. As long as you want it, yes. Nothing would make me happier than knowing you were wearing it.”

 

Colter pulled back and slid the string over his head, tucking the ring, Nate’s old ring, inside his shirt and against his chest. “I’ll be back in about a week, dove.”

 

Nora smiled, a matching string around her neck telling him she wore hers inside her shirt, too. “Don’t worry so much and go on. I’ll be here when you get back.”

 


	15. Chapter 15

 MacCready hadn’t been available, off on a job according to Hancock. Who had been available was a Brotherhood Paladin in town to discuss terms with Hancock.

 

Terms that were never going to happen since Hancock liked Brotherhood about as much as the Brotherhood liked ghouls. Still, it meant Paladin Danse had been too happy to take up with Colter when he’d showed him the courser chip and explained the plan.

 

Seemed beating the Institute was more important than anything else.

 

The one requirement was that they head to the Prydwen before they left, to meet with Elder Maxson personally and gain his approval. Danse seemed sure they’d get it, along with the use of a vertibird, which would cut the trip down to almost nothing. Worth it if it meant getting back to Nora sooner.

 

The ring, warm against his skin, made him smile each time it swung and tapped against his chest. He wasn’t Nate, wasn’t ever gonna be Nate, but her giving him that ring said she’d moved on, said she wanted to move on with him. That’s what he’d wanted, what he’d been afraid he’d never get.

 

And the Paladin beside him? Well, he didn’t trust the straight-laced fucker, but this was the sort of firepower they needed. Brute force and muscle and bullets. Fuck the sneaking around, the plans and tourists and bullshit of the Railroad.

 

If they wanted to face the Institute, they needed the Brotherhood.

 

He just had to convince Nora of that fact.

 

The ride to the Prydwen was more fun than he’d have expected. The swaying of the vertibird exhilarated him, the wind the struck his face clean since they’d risen above the dust and filth of the ground. Each soldier he spotted, both in the vertibird and on the Prydwen reminded him of Danse, just smaller sticks up their asses. He’d grown used to raider viciousness and laziness, but he saw none of that in these men and women.

 

The most surprising thing of all was the Elder.

 

Colter had expected a grizzled soldier, a man chiseled by years of combat. Instead, he found a boy hardly grown. The beard and the jacket did little to hide his youth.

 

“I keep my ear to the ground,” Maxson said. “And you and your companion come up in conversation a lot. While she is new, you are not. Your work with the raiders in Nuka World has been exemplary. Killing Kellogg and then obtaining a courser chip are likewise impressive feats. You clearly have a grasp of war, and it makes me wonder why you have not come here sooner.”

 

“Haven’t needed you before now.”

 

“Needed and useful are two different things. You might not have needed us, but can you truly say our help would not have proven beneficial? Far more beneficial, I am sure, than the Railroad.”

 

Even if he hated the Railroad, he wasn’t a fucking snitch. “No idea what you’re talking about.”

 

Maxson cocked up an eyebrow, his smug face reminding Colter that while the Elder might be young, he wasn’t stupid. “I have been wondering why you are letting her determine your plan.”

 

“And why do you think she is?”

 

“Because I understand you. A raider who managed to keep three gangs in order would not be sneaking around. A man like you would have been here weeks ago, which tells me you are following her game plan.”

 

Colter crossed his arms, shoulders back. He didn’t much care for Maxson reading the situation so well, and certainly not in the unflattering cuckold way it made him look. “She’s got the reason to get into the Institute, not me, so I’m willing to follow her lead.”

 

“A missing child, as I understand. Word travels fast, Colter. There are no secrets in the wasteland. So many know that feeling, have lost people to the Institute. You know, you could do more by not following her plan.”

 

“If you’re spouting some sort of me leaving her and joining you shit, you’re wasting your breath.”

 

Maxson shook his head. “I’m suggesting no such thing. She wants her child back, yes? You’re smart enough to know the best chance of getting that is with us. Will you really risk her child, and what she wants most, just so she can feel like she made the decisions?”

 

The discussion made Colter shift. He was being played, he knew it, but fuck if it didn’t make some sense. Nora wanted Shaun back, and Colter wanted Shaun back and Nora alive. The Brotherhood had the resources to help them that.

 

But he’d agreed to follow her lead. He wasn’t about to go behind her back.

 

“I do not require an answer right now. I just want you to think about it. Think about what you want, what Nora wants, and who can help you get that. For now, you have the use of a vertibird and my Paladin. Ad Victoriam.”

 

Colter couldn't shake the feeling as he left the Prydwen.

 

It was wrong to think about the offer, so why couldn’t he stop?

 

#

 

Nora laid back on the mattress, her feet against the wall. It had only been a few hours without Colter and she already missed him. She was supposed to be finding out information, but she just couldn’t find it in herself to care.

 

She was too damned tired.

 

Deacon sat down, nearly collapsing into a heap beside her. “Hey there, Popsicle.”

 

“That’s not my name.”

 

He shrugged, dark glasses obscuring his eyes as they always did. “It’s your code name.”

 

“Don’t people normally get to pick their own?”

 

“Yep. However, since you made me follow you around so long before showing up here, I picked yours for you. Don’t try to change it, I told Dez you picked it so it’s already written on the board. Can’t change what’s on the board.”

 

“And you went with Popsicle?”

 

“Well, I wanted Vaultsicle, but Dez said that was too on the nose for stealth work.”

 

She sighed, rubbing her heels against the wall. “Because I was frozen? I get it.”

 

Deacon huffed and leaned back, hands on the ground, legs stretched out. “No one appreciates my humor, you know that? I work hard on these jokes, lose sleep over them, try to boost morale, and you all just roll your eyes like they’re nothing.”

 

“I’m too tired to deal with your terrible jokes today, Deacon.”

 

“Oh, I bet you are. FYI, Popsicle, you are not exactly quiet.”

 

She ignored the burn on her cheeks, plastering on a smile to try and hide it. “Don’t blame that on my volume. I bet you were just listening in. Seems like your way.”

 

His smile widened like he’d finally found a friend to banter with. “That’s true. What can I say, I’m a voyeur. All the fun with none of the work.”

 

As much as she wanted to hate him, she struggled with it. Deacon was the sort of person she’d have been friends with, back before the bombs. Loud, crass, not too serious.

 

Colter was her rock, Mason the scary older brother who taught her things she didn’t always want to know, William her intellectual buddy, Nisha the older sister who would castrate anyone who screwed with her. Deacon, though, he had to temperament to be her first real friend.

 

“So, we’ve got you to ourselves for a week or so?”

 

“Seems that way. What’s on our agenda?”

 

“A whole week without your guard dog snarling at me? Oh, I have everything planned. Late night pillow fights, bestie mani-pedis, a human sacrifice or two.”

 

“You’re always putting down Colter. You have a bad history with him or something?”

 

Deacon shrugged, the deceptively lean muscles of his shoulders shifting beneath his plain white shirt. “No history at all, really. I know who he is, of course, but that’s it. Let’s just say, I’m not a fan.”

 

“If you don’t know him, why aren’t you a fan?”

 

“I’ve been around a lot, have gotten pretty good at figuring people out. You? You I like. You’re no-nonsense, but you know how to play the game. You can keep your temper in check, can think things through. You know that the best plan is not always the loud and bloody one. Colter? He does everything the loud and bloody way.”

 

“Sometimes it takes a little of both ways to get things done.”

 

“Maybe. The real question is whether or not you’re willing to bet your kid’s life on his blood and bullets approach. Because, no matter whatever infatuation you have going on, that’s what it comes down to. Do you think his way is going to get you your son safe and sound, or do you think maybe his all or nothing might put your kid at risk? When bullets start flying, mistakes happen and casualties pile up.”

 

Nora frowned but said nothing.

 

“You’re a smart woman. You’ve adjusted well, and it isn’t like you were given a lot of chance.”

 

“What do you know?”

 

“More than you’d like me to know, probably. I don’t invite anyone to our spring formal here without knowing all their dirty laundry. After you defrosted, you ended up with a slave collar in Nuka World. Can’t say I got too much information about your time there; as it turns out, raiders aren’t chatty. Asked a few too many questions and they got suspicious.”

 

Yeah, she could imagine Mason’s face if Deacon was there asking about Nora. Hell, Deacon was lucky to have gotten out of there with his skin if he was running his mouth there.

 

He kept talking like she was participating, like it was a real conversation. “Makes me wonder about you following him around. I mean, he puts a collar on you and you, what? Fall in love with him? You’re willing to risk your kid now for your former master? You strike me as someone who wouldn’t put up with that. Just thinking out loud, Popsicle.”

 

Nora pulled her legs off the wall and sat up. “Well, I suggest you stop thinking out loud, or do it elsewhere. If you’re trying to repeat history to me, don’t bother, I know exactly what happened.”

 

“Sure you do, but the real question is, do you know what will happen? And are you going to risk your kid on the guess?”

 

Nora rushed to her feet, ready to storm out.

 

At least she was until her a bout of vertigo got her and she stumbled, hand catching herself on the wall.

 

“Whoa there, Popsicle.” Deacon was on his feet before she’d steadied herself, his hand going to her back. “You been flat too long?”

 

She nodded, eyes closed as her head swam. “I guess so.”

 

Deacon slid closer, his hand going around her waist to pull her against his side.

 

The feeling was too close. Colter was one thing, but even if she might consider Deacon a friend at some point, he wasn’t yet. She yanked away, twisting so her back hit the wall and she slid down until she was sitting. “Don’t touch me,” she whispered.

 

Deacon’s voice came from just in front of her. “Sure. No problem. No touching, I get it. Why don’t we get Carrington to check you out, huh? Consider it a welcome to the Railroad exam. It’s on our flyers. Join the Railroad, get a free prostate exam.”

 

“I don’t have a prostate.”

 

“Then the exam should be quick.” Carrington’s voice had her opening her eyes to find him kneeling in front of her. “Dizziness?”

 

“I’m a doctor. I don’t need to be poked at.”

 

“If you’re a doctor, you can understand why when a person who has already felt unwell has dizziness that nearly causes a fall, they should be examined.”

 

Nora wanted to argue but the bastard made sense. “Fine, but it’s nothing.”

 

“We’ll see, won’t we?”

 

#

 

Colter stepped into the church. He’d ditched the Paladin and the vertibird in Goodneighbor, since he wasn’t about to let them know where the Railroad HQ was.

 

Those two forces would love to kill each other off, which he wouldn’t fucking care if Nora wasn’t in the middle of it.

 

And, fuck, he missed her. Use of the vertibird had meant the trip only took four days instead of seven. Still, four damned days was too many.

 

He missed her smile and the way she curled around him when they slept. He missed the soft way her breath would spill against his chest when she hugged him, and those heated looks she’d give him when she thought he wasn’t watching.

 

And he’d promised to make shit up to her. Hell, he might drag her to the first room he could find, settle between those thighs, and lick her until he had her screaming. He wanted to make her come again and again until he was damned sure she’d missed him.

 

He closed the door to the HQ behind him then took the stairs two at a time.

 

At the ground level, Dez stood over her table, pouring over her maps as she always did. Deacon lifted his gaze, his shoulders tightening when he saw Colter.

 

That was a bad sign.

 

“Where the fuck is she?” Colter didn’t bother to hide the threat in his voice.

 

He’d left Nora there, in their care, and that look on Deacon’s face said she wasn’t there anymore.

 

Deacon walked up, hands up. “Easy there, big guy. We didn’t hurt her.”

 

“Not what I asked.”

 

“Yeah, but I figured I better say that first if I want to keep my face in one piece. Look, she took off, okay? I tried to keep her here, tried to tail her, but she’s craftier than I figured.”

 

“Why would she run off? Nora isn’t stupid, she wouldn’t run out on her own for no reason. If I find out you did anything to her-“

 

Deacon answered, and Colter stopped moving. The words made sense individually, but he couldn’t figure them out together.

 

“What?”

 

Deacon repeated himself.

 

Colter set a hand against the wall to keep himself upright. Fuck. He dropped his ass into the closest seat before he leaned forward, his head going forward. “You’re sure? It can’t be fuck-up?”

 

“Carrington ran the test twice to make sure,” Deacon said. “She’s pregnant.”

 

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol. So many of you guessed it already. Leave it to me to be predictable.


	16. Chapter 16

 “Where the fuck is she?” Colter picked up a tray from the metal table near the end of the line of cryotubes and threw it across the room. It struck the wall and clattered to the floor.

 

Danse shook his head before studying the vault room. “I see no sign anyone has been here recently.”

 

He scrubbed his hand over his face. “I don’t know where she could have gone.”

 

He’d checked Diamond City, checked in with Valentine. He hadn’t seen her. Hancock hadn’t seen her. Bunker Hill hadn’t seen her. No one in Sanctuary had any idea where she’d gone, though Codsworth had lost his shit when he’d learned she was missing. That butler menace gave him the talking to of a lifetime.

 

The vault was the last place he could think of. After finding out she was pregnant, she’d want to go back to where it started, wouldn’t she? See Nate, maybe. Even if they didn’t have the marriage she wished they had, he was still her husband. He’d figured if she was lost, hurting, upset, maybe she’d go back there.

 

Colter’s hand grasped the ring still around his neck as he sat on the steps.

 

“Will you explain to me why she ran, yet? While an unplanned pregnancy is not always happy news, women don’t usually react by running away. If you want me to help you, I need more information.”

 

Colter pulled the string from his neck so he could roll the ring between his hands, staring at it instead of at Danse. “I can’t have kids. Got fixed a long time ago.”

 

“So, she was unfaithful?”

 

“Nah. Just before we left Nuka World, a raider there, Gage, he raped her.” Colter tried not to stumble on that fucking word, but he knew he did. “Would have been about six weeks ago, now.”

 

“Oh.” That single world held understanding. Silence drug between them for a moment before Danse spoke again. “You know, I’ve heard of vasectomies failing. The child could still be yours.”

 

Colter laughed, but the sound was hard and ugly. “Yeah, right. Doesn’t really matter, does it? The question is enough for her to run. Fuck, I’ve gotta find her. She shouldn’t be fucking alone.”

 

The frame of Danses hissed as he exited it, something he rarely did in Colter’s short time with him. “I don’t think she would be here, from what I understand of her story, from what you’ve told me. This place was a sad place. If she is frightened and hurting, she would want to go to the last place she felt safe.”

 

“I don’t know, damn it! I don’t know where she’d have gone! I don’t know shit about her old life.”

 

Danse tapped his fingers against the metal of the railing. “What about her new life? Where has put down roots?”

 

Colter’s gaze ripped from the floor to meet Danse’s. Fucking hell. She couldn’t be there, could she? She’d never want to go back there.

 

But. . . he’d looked everywhere else. Why hadn’t he ever considered it? Colter was on his feet and headed toward the front of the vault in a moment.

 

Danse meet him at the elevator. “Where are we going?”

 

“You showed me your place, looks like you get to see mine. We’re headed to Nuka World.”

 

#

 

Nora buried her face in the pillow, breathing in Colter. It was the only thing she cared about, the only thing that grounded her.

 

The rest of the bed didn’t smell like him. Another Overboss had moved in, the way of things William had explained.

 

He’d said shit to Nora when she’d walked up, so Nisha had slit his throat. She’d explaining in that bored tone that he’d been terrible anyway. William and Mason hadn’t minded, agreeing the asshole had taken the spot because they really hadn’t cared. After Colter and Gage had taken off, the three gangs had stayed in their own territories and not bothered with each other.

 

The newest asshole, some ghoul named Sinjin, had stumbled in and declared himself king while being careful not order anyone around or piss anyone off. It was only a matter of time before the coward was put down by someone, and it seemed Nisha was the someone.

 

Mason sat on the bed beside Nora, his legs up, picking dirt from beneath his nails with a knife. “Come on, tiger. You gotta eat.”

 

“Do not.”

 

He let out a soft growl. “Don’t get smart, huh? Ain’t above reminding you of your place, and in case you forgot? It ain’t above me.”

 

“I didn’t ask you to babysit me.”

 

“Nah, you didn’t. Someone needed to and it was my fucking turn, so stop growling at me.” He elbowed her before a pack of fancy lad cakes landed beside her. “Don’t make me tell you again.”

 

Nora sighed and rolled over, sitting up beside him. She opened the cakes, then held one out for Mason.

 

He laughed before taking it and popping it into his mouth. When he spoke, the words came out around the crumbs. “It’s Gage’s, ain’t it?”

 

Just the words had Nora’s chest tightening. Since Carrington had given her the news, his lips pulled into a smile like it would be welcome, like it was some great gift, she hadn’t been able to settle.

 

How could it be welcome? Colter couldn’t have children, and that left one option.

 

It meant it had to be Gage’s child. The memory of him had her setting the cakes aside as she swallowed to calm her stomach. How could she have a kid with his face? One who looked like Gage? What would happen when it kicked inside her for the first time?

 

They didn’t have the technology to date the pregnancy, but Nora knew. It had been six weeks since Gage, which would make her eight weeks pregnant. Her period hadn’t returned after having Shaun, which meant she hadn’t realized it had been late.

 

Shaun. How could she find Shaun if she was pregnant?

 

In the old world there had been options for terminating a pregnancy, but the world didn’t offer those same options. She could take a large dose of psycho and hope for the best, but the chances of not ending the pregnancy and only causing serious problems with the fetus were high. Not to mention a large enough dose to ensure success could kill her.

 

What was she going to do?

 

“Figured as much.” Mason’s words drew Nora from her mental tailspin.

 

“How do you even know?”

 

“Kenz said you’d need some extra food. Seems you don’t eat any fucking meat. So much for calling you tiger, huh? We got a lot of veggies for the gazelles, so she needed ‘em, and it meant I needed to know why she needed ‘em.” He stole another cake from the bag. “Far as how I knew about Gage, well, I helped remove his body. Pants around his ankles, knife in his gut. Yeah, wasn’t hard to figure it out, especially with how the fucker had been circling you. Begs the question, where’s Colter? Before you all headed out like King and Queen of Raider Land you all were tight as fuck. Honeymoon over?”

 

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “He was gone when I found out. I just, I ran. I couldn’t think.”

 

“You think he’s gonna be pissed? Colter is an asshole, but he seems pretty fucking pussy whipped.”

 

“Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t stay around long enough to find out.”

 

“And you ran here? Ain’t you got no place more welcoming?”

 

“Guess not. Everything else is gone, but here? Here I started over. Here I built something. Here became home.”

 

The creak of floorboards had Nora lifting her gaze to find Colter standing in the room, and everything on his face said he knew. “You always got a home with me, dove.”

 

Mason stole one more cake before shifting off the bed. “I’ll let you two be. Welcome back, Overboss.”

 

Mason’s departure left Colter and Nora alone, and she dropped her face into her hands, unable to help to tears that had started.

 

#

 

Fucking hell. Nora cracked open the moment Mason had left, her face falling into her palms, her back shuddering with heavy sobs. One moment she sat on the bed, looking tired but okay, and then she broke.

 

Colter came over, setting a hand on her back. What was he supposed to say? Why couldn’t be better at this sort of shit?

 

Something kept falling from her lips, a quiet phrase she repeated again and again. He leaned in to catch it.

 

_“I’m sorry.”_

 

She was apologizing, over and over.

 

He caught her chin that time and pulled her face from her hands. So maybe manhandling her wasn’t good, but that shit she was spouting was gonna kill her if she kept it up. “The fuck are you sorry for? You didn’t do a fucking thing.”

 

“I messed it all up. I ruined everything.”

 

He pulled her into a tight hug, lips against her ear. “You didn’t ruin anything. Wasn’t you at all, this was Gage. Only thing you did to piss me off was running away. Not like you didn’t know I’d track you down, dove. Told you before, I’d tear the Commonwealth apart to find you.”

 

“What am I supposed to do?”

 

“What we’ve been doing this whole time. Just keep moving forward. I’m not going to pretend this is ideal. Can’t even imagine how you’re feeling about it, but between you and I? We can handle any bullshit this world wants to throw at us.”

 

She shuddered, a full shake like she was trying to shove off the pain and upset, like she was trying to force a restart.

 

Colter risked the other topic, mostly because he couldn’t not say it. “Danse said that vasectomies can fail, that it’s possible the kid could still be mine.”

 

“Danse?”

 

“Brotherhood Paladin. Turned out the merc wasn’t in town, so I had to go to plan B. Got to see that nifty floating ship up close and personal.” He loosened his grip on her in case she wanted to pull away, but he kept the arm around her. “You avoiding what I said? Hell, maybe one raider isn’t better than any other.”

 

This time it was Nora’s turn to grasp his chin, her nails biting into him. “Don’t say that. There’s no question I’d rather be pregnant with your child, Colter. In fact, if it was yours, I think I’d even be happy. I just know the odds, here. You haven't gotten anyone else pregnant and have no reason to believe your vasectomy failed. I don’t want this, but I won’t pretend it is something it isn’t, either.” Her breath blew across his lips as she leaned her forehead against his.

 

“What if-“

 

She pulled back. “No what if’s. I can’t do that, okay?”

 

“We just aren’t going to talk about this?”

 

“For now? Yes, please, fuck, let’s not talk about it. I want to pretend this isn’t happening because I can’t. . . “ She pulled in a breath and shook her head. “You know what’s funny? I didn’t want to think about it when I was pregnant with Shaun, either. I forbid Nate from talking about it at all.”

 

“And how did that work out?”

 

“I ended up showing around four months along and didn’t have a choice anymore.”

 

“So we got two months to figure shit out before pretending won’t work?”

 

“That sounds like a good plan to me.” Nora offered him a tired smile. “So what now?”

 

“Now, you’re going to eat while I tell you how the Glowing Sea went.”

 

“Just like normal?”

 

He pulled her in for a quick kiss before he pulled away. "Just like normal." 

 

They were back where it all started, in his loft in Nuka World.

 

Damn if it wasn’t so close to his own fantasy. The woman he loved, the one who loved him, in his bed, pregnant, and he was going to feed her, take care of her.

 

At least, that was the fantasy. That was the pretty picture in his head, the way it was supposed to be.

 

The reality? The woman he loved was pregnant, probably by the man who had raped her. She was heartbroken and hurt. They didn’t know how they’d get into the Institute, and they were drifting apart on how to get there. The reality was that he didn’t know how to fix any of it.

 

So he made food, moving about the kitchen as if he’d never left Nuka World, like this place had always been his. When he turned, he found Nora seated at the table like they’d shared so many means at before.

 

Hell, maybe he could fix it. 


End file.
